Sunday Comments, September 27

Lines of the week:

• Michelle to Maria about the video "You need to get that out of your mind" (Yes, but how could you ever?)
  
• Minnie "Dipstick? That's what me dad calls me" (not surprised)
  
  
• Pat about Tony "If he thought that anything was going on between Liam and Carla he wouldn't have gone up the aisle unless he'd killed him first." (uh oh. Conspiracy theories anyone?)
  
• Teresa to Gail "And if i were you, i'd go for a face, head and body transplant"
  
• Kevin to Tyrone "Molly's puttin two and two together and getting 500"
  
• Darryl to David about the Windasses "So they're not your favourite people at the moment"
  
• Janice about Emily "When she goes through them elevator doors, the mist comes down!"
  
• Maria about Carla "The woman that stood at my wedding wearing black feathers in her hair like a flamin vulture!"
  


• Jed to Norris "Emily threw me a lifeline as i imagine she threw you one too, not so long ago" (truth hurts, doesn't it Norris?)

Rosie? Get the flamin phone yourself! Poor Maria, though, her worst nightmare comes true. She always knew there was attraction between Carla and Liam and she always feared she'd lose him to her and now it's all true. Yes, all she has is a kiss on a screen, but she's 100% sure it was more and of course, it was. It doesn't matter however much Tom or Michelle reassure her, she grabs any little thing and runs with it and she's determined to find out. She eventually came to Leanne but it's a good thing she's a Battersby and a consummate liar.

So. Maria knows about the affair. She knows that Tony knew before he married Carla. She knows that Tony and his brother didn't fall out with each other, making his choice of Liam as best man now suspect. And Liam died on Tony's stag night. How many two-plus-twos does she need to come up with four? Thing is Liam did love Maria. He just ended up loving Carla more. It does all make sense to her, the hours he'd be gone, the love/hate thing and the realization that the car seemed to aim straight for Liam. Michelle and everyone else thinks she's got the wrong end of the stick, crazed by grief and having a nervous breakdown. We know she's right but can she prove it?

Jerry is renting out the house?? That's pretty low, renting it out from under Darryl. Leave it to Teresa who wanted to hang on to her safe little home so badly that she chained herself to the kitchen cupboards and look who the new neighbours are! The Windass clan! I wonder if they knew the Platts and Joe were going to be their neighbours. And doesn't Jerry or the letting agent do any reference checking? I suppose that would have been all a scam too, though. And the latest ratty and low class chavvy family arrives on the Street in a clapped out vehicle containing all their worldly goods, with a backfire as they come around the corner. Now where have we seen that before? /sarcasm. The writers have No imagination. That mother of the clan doesn't seem too bad but i don't know yet. She seems to be on the sensible side, trying to keep the peace but Gail is always such a sucker isn't she? Dev played right into Amber's plan to get Darryl living under her roof and i guess Teresa is ogone for parts unknown.

So these Windasses. Yes. or rather. No thanks. Anna seems somewhat ok but that Eddie is about as shiftless as they ever get. Gary is a brute and the Uncle is a bad'un and do we really need this? I think not. And trust me, they don't get much better, as of current UK timelines though Anna isn't so bad.

Hmmm. Tyrone squirted himself with perfume, the same stuff he sold to Minnie and since Molly doesn't know anything about it, she now thinks he's having an affair with Minnie! But Kevin knows what Tyrone is up to now. He won't tattle though. Men don't tell on each other (and neither do girls). Tyrone is pretty much shooting himself in the foot, and Molly called his bluff by coming to see the club with him. Now he's going to have to go and she's getting more and more suspicious by the hour. His dealings with Minnie Mouse are going to land him in the doo-doo. Why oh Why, on soaps, does EVERYONE lie or keep secrets when they don't need to, not really!

Steve thinks it's kinder if Michelle does the breaking up. Might be kinder to him but it won't really make any difference to her and you know STeve never does things that work out. She'll end up finding out that he's been seeing Steve and manipulating her and she'll flamin' kill him and Liz will help!

And isn't doing tea in a hospital a bit of an odd Community Service job? not exactly hard work. But look! It's Janice! But if she thinks Emily is going to give her an easy go of it because she's a neighbour, she's got another think coming. And Janice found out the hard way from the sounds of it. Jed seems to be the bane of Norris' life and he doesn't seem to have changed much from the cheeky fellow from the 60s out for a dodgey deal, even if it's just cheating at Snakes and Ladders.

Sunday Comments, September 20

Lines of the week:

• Graeme "A-pork-alyps now!"
  
• Lloyd to Steve "Before you dump a bird, be sure you know your lines"
  
• Norris to Rita "I hope you're not suggesting Sir Cliff would sing anything unseemly!"
  
• Becky to Steve "You say what you think people want to hear" (got it in one!)
  
• Blanche "Amy's father is living with Carla's ex-sister-in-law. We're practically family!"
  
• Blanche "You've a mean streak in you Deirdre Barlow, I don't know where you get it from!"
  
• Joe "You've got to speculate to accumulate" (that's the slippery slope, mate!)
  
• Norris "What's that song?" Tina "Don't You Wish Your Girlfriend was Hot Like Me" Norris "Hardly appropriate" Tina "You're telling me!"
  

Yeesh, Michelle getting all soft and soppy only makes Steve feel more guilty. And just when Steve is getting all soft and soppy about Becky, Jason is stepping up his campaign to get Becky back which is making Steve damn jealous. Steve loves Becky but does Becky love Steve or does she love him because he loves her? I mean really? But you know damn well he's too spineless to actually break it off with Michelle. Every time he tries, she lays another sob story on him. So what is he going to do? Make Michelle hate him and break off with him instead of him being the bad guy. Meanwhile, Becky feels like she's being used and jerked around. Can't blame her.

Carla's back at work too and trying to smooth over some ruffled feathers. Carla and Tony are getting hitched. Sally seemed a bit thoughtful but you know she's thinking of the damning video. Can't blame her for wanting a new wedding outfit, though. The last one probably still has Liam's fingerprints all over it ;) No second stag and hen night though. That's a little too close to the knuckle. Tony's brother showed up too and it doesn't sound like they've ever fallen out but Tony didn't seem so pleased when Pat's back was turned.

So. Carla and Tony finally tied the knot. Unusual wedding dress after having a white one first time around but in real life, the actress was pregnant and there needed to be some bump-disguising. The reception was interesting, too! Sally was in snob heaven but Kevin was surly. I don't know why he even bothered going and i don't know why Sally would even want him there, appearances or not. Good thing Carla made up with Leanne so she could have a friend to stand up for her! Ah but then it all came apart. Kevin caused Sal to spill something on Carla's dress and Carla castigated Sally for her low class family. Kind of unfair really, because it was an accident. That pissed off Sally because she was embarassed and she drank too much and spilled the beans to Maria, showing her the damning video. Now let's see. Rosie saved it on her work computer, then Sally transferred it to their home laptop. Rosie must have re-loaded it on a new phone. Because.... why?

No wonder Maria is freaked out about a scan, considering the last time she found out her baby was dead at a scan. Why wouldn't the hospital have her file flagged for her former problems? You'd think any technicial would have been made aware either by the files or by Maria's doctor. Thankfully, all is well this time. But now she's found out that Tony and his brother never did fall out and she's wondering why Tony said he did, especially after finding out that Carla and Liam had an affair and Tony knew about it.

Gail has no kitchen. Graeme has a little camping stove. Graeme also has chain mail gloves to protect him and a damn good Michael Jackson impression (in the betting shop). That is one star character, i absolutely love him and his quirky ways! Hayley can't work with children. Why can't she just volunteer with adult charities? Why give up? And if most charities that work with kids would require a criminal check, why didn't the African one not check? She was helping to build a school... surely that involves children at some point.

Dev is walking around with bandages all over his fingers! And how do you cut your head? Don't ask, i guess. So Darryl is back and Dev hired Minnie as well and he persuaded Tina to come back part time. This co-competitor, Mary, seems to be making cow eyes at Norris already. Bunny boiler or kindred spirit? She's pretty quirky too from the look of it. Did you catch that bit about Tony ransoming his brother's action figure when they were kids and Sean asking if he's sent little plastic ears in the post? I figure that was a throwback to the gnomenapping when Derek received one of Arthur's ears in the post!

Jed Stone didn't waste any time giving Tony attitude and wanting more compensation from him. Jed was always about money making schemes but he does have a point. Tony didn't pay him more than a pittance for his house. Norris's ears were twigging when he overheard that first little conversation.

Ken's attitude towards Peter is really annoying me. I think Peter is right, Ken always expects the worst from Peter and every little mistake gets thrown back at him. No wonder Peter ends up making more mistakes.

Hooted at Graeme reenacting Apocalpse now with pork chops and alarming Norris to no end. Wonderful stuff when Steve asked Graeme for another favour and he walloped Steve but he did give Steve a good idea. Unfortunately it backfired. You know, Becky and Steve are kind of cute together. You'd never see Michelle bopping around the bar to the jukebox would you? Becky's hot pink bra hanging out of her tops always cracks me up.

Sunday Comments, September 13

Lines of the week:

• Roy "You love me so much, Hayley, you want to leave me"
  
• Hayley "I thought i was working for a school, not a harem"
  
• Carla to Tony "Did no one ever tell you that confession is good for the soul?"..."Why, whatever crimes are you hiding?" (you don't really want to know)
  
• Michelle "I know I"m asking a lot" (you sure are!)
  
• Len Windass "We are silent, we are deadly and we are tidy"
  
• Steve "Who's in charge here?" Liz "You are, now go fetch the pies"
  
• Becky to Steve in a hotel room "I don't usually do this sober"
  
• Steve "I have my own mind you know!" (and everyone tells you how to use it)
  

Who would have thought Roy would be so dramatic, describing their empty house as a shell, etc. A ha! So we find out that the reason Hayley wanted to go back was because of a crush on this Olaf guy who seems to be flirting with everyone, but not her though she thought she felt a spiritual connection. Then she got upset because her mate Tilly hit the nail spot on. Even Becky tore a strip off her and called her selfish. After all that volunteering? But yes, in a way, she was being selfish because really, although doing good was part of the motive, it was more about her than the charity work. Roy, the most unselfish man on the planet, was willing to give her up if that's what she really wanted. He described his imaginary day as the brightest ever, once he knew she was going to stay! Then completely understanding, or at least giving the impression he was, after she confessed her crush. Doesn't that man just break your heart sometimes?

Julie certainly got prickly and defensive when Hayley came back into the factory and heaved a sigh when Hayley didn't want her job back. Poor Hayley really is all at sixes and sevens. Now she doesn't know what she wants to do, but she needs something fulfilling. Charities? She worked with one before. That's when she brought Becky back.

Wow, that didn't take long. First Tara finds out that her ex boyfriend shagged her mother and then an angry Amber spilled the beans about Dev and Nina! I don't think Dev deserved Tara as his road to happiness anyway, not after his affair with her mother. She certainly didn't deserve him! I can't blame Dev for being angry with Amber, after all, and it's probably just as well she's going to Finland. They can both use the break. You know, if it wasn't so ludicrous, i would have found Dev's attempt to make kebabs and milkshakes funny. But it was utterly ridiculous. Nobody sticks their face right in a blender nor does anyone stick a knife in it when it's still plugged in!! Dev would have made blender cocktails at least to know that much.

Norris is in a passion, now, to unearth who this Mary Taylor is, the woman that keeps beating him out. In the meantime, Norris wasn't too happy to have to share Emily again (with Jed), as usual. He's met Mary now and he actually seems to fancy her! Wasn't he pleased with himself, too! Why would Fiz bring a belt back to Maria from her hols when Maria has an ever expanding waist?

I'm already hating the Windasses. At least that maniacal red head and his uncle. Tit for Tat, they cleaned out the Platt kitchen in retaliation. Dev can be very patronizing, don't you think? He was that to Amber when she came in angry that he bought the kebab shop and he was basically showing off for Tara.

Oh crap, Michelle's parents are coming and Michelle's organizing an anniversary party for the day of the court case! That's going to be a bit tricky, then. I wonder if Michelle is going to invite her son Alex to his grandparents' anniversary? Thought not. Seems like that story has been dropped like a bad smell. Michelle is always pushing Steve around, have you noticed? He's starting to, though he might not if he didn't have somewhere else to be. And if she's got him doing all the party planning, what is she contributing? Didn't help that Daddy Connor got all cozy and family-ish with Steve, with Becky staring daggers, compounding the guilt. What to do? Lie in court and help a mate? keep the girlfriend happy and not risk getting banged up for perjury? What's a boy to do? And i wonder what was the straw that broke the camel's back? The endless lists and orders to be chief, cook, bottle washer and bouncer at the party? Roy telling Steve that Becky was terrified? Talk about desperate measures to get away though, getting Graeme to punch him!



Anyway, Steve did the "right" thing (I use that loosely) and Becky got off, much to Hooch's chagrin. Now, by rights, Becky should have been found guilty because she was guilty of most of the stuff they charged her with though not the assault which would have been the main jailing offence i think. However, Steve's now saying he really has a thing for her. Where the heck did that come from???? Especially when he said he actually meant it? Did you see that coming? I didn't. Mind you, Steve always had an attraction for women who were edgy and loose cannon-ish. Becky and Karen would be an even fight i think. Now there's a fly in the ointment, because Blanche witnessed the whole thing. Free drinks for all!

Carla's back and she actually seemed happy to see Tony! I think the big bank withdrawal probably spurred her on to return but she accepted his explanation. I suppose she figures she hasn't got any future with Liam so she might as well have Tony. She does love him just not as much as she loved Liam.

Maybe Ashley didn't take Kirk back on because he was a crap butcher but he did promise him he would when things got better. All this wandering around by that reporting, someone's going to take her up on it, you just know it.

Fiz is back. If you missed it, here's what actually happened in South Africa. I'll tell you what, though, Steve enticing Graeme to punch him was brilliant!

Sunday Comments, September 6

Lines of the week:

• Joe "Why can't all four of us be happy?"
  
• Prem to Dev "You love no-one but yourself" (too true!)
  
• Tara about her mum and ex "He had the nerve to say she seduced him!" and "things like that don't happen in perfect families like mine" (ummmmmm)
  
• Pam about the underpants' quality "Never mind a lunch box you could have a flamin' Harrod's Hamper in there!"
  
• Roy about being put on hold again "I have to listen to Vivaldi's Four Seasons again! It's always 'Spring'! No sense of progress. I suppose that's appropriate, really"
  
• Anna Windass "My kitchen! What the flamin 'ell!" (er yes, that's about it).
  
• Gail "I do NOT want to look like an Emu" David "That's EMO!" (I liked her coat!!)
  

Joe's talk to David... sounded like he was talking to a 12 year old but then that's how David is acting. He treated his daughter a lot more like a grown up. Now that the secret's out, will the relationship last? Half the attraction could have been the secrecy! David had the chance to hold it over Gail when she said she'd give up Joe for him and he wisely and maturely backed down and it seems everyone has got their heads around the situation now. Now he can focus on this Windass family who don't want to pay for their new fitted kitchen. I smell the distinct whiff of a scamm there. They don't even look like they could afford a 7,000 pound kitchen do they and Joe could be close to bankrupt because of it.

David has only make things worse by threatening the Windasses who appear to be real threats, if Graeme is to be believed. So David apparently got some cash and a cheque except they signed it "Santa Claus" and David didn't eve check the cheque before he ran away. And David did make things worse because the Windasses (what's that name about anyway?) stole his tools. His uninsured tools. I'm starting to smell another loser in Gail's bed, are you? Please tell me we aren't going to have some new gobby yobbos in the show? (sorry, i'd lose my bet, guess what? We haven't seen the last of them!) Anyway, things are spiralling out of control with the three teens laying waste to the kitchen and Graeme getting to burn it in the back garden. They obviously don't have nosy neighbours. All the racket they must have made hauling the kitchen apart and then the fire and nobody called out a window even. This is getting tedious already.

Wait... David *likes* Joe and is glad to see his mother *happy*? Who are you and what have you done with David Platt! Pam is flogging men's knickers now. Somehow i just know Tyrone's going to get his in a bunch and it's all going to go pear shaped. Oh dear, it's going to go downhill from here. I'm a bit annoyed with Ashley, i really am. Last year he laid off Kirk because there was no work and promised to rehire him if things picked up. So there's a very unprofessionally hand written sign in the window advertising for help in the butcher shop. Not a word to Kirk, who's already trained, and he hires Graeme????

Steve is telling more lies to Michelle to get to solicitor appointments. Meanwhile, Jason is on a campaign to get Becky back, with flowers and everything. Probably because Sarah didn't want him but neither does Becky. Or does she? She seemed to like the flowers. I reckon nobody's ever given her flowers before but she gave them to Hayley anyway. Roy did have flowers. what happened to them?

I thought Harry was the owner of the betting shop yet Dan is acting like it's him? Dan is also trying to divest himself of Kelly and all it took was her trying to borrow a bit of spending money. Did he actually pay for her ticket? I thought she was buying her own so if she did, he better be prepared to refund it. At least he got a few bruises for dumping her so publically. He really is a pig. I've always thought so. Leanne is well out of it. looks like she and Peter might be heading for a romance. He might be a better pairing for her.

Hayley came home but missed a flight first so it was a bit of an anti-climax seeing her walk in instead of seeing a joyous reunion at the airport. (cheaper to film too!) Poor Roy was beside himself waiting for her. HE said he found out that she checked in but didn't get on board the plane. So you'd think she could have texted or called collect from the airport. Did she miss the plane on purpose or did she get lost in the airport? We don't know but now she's back, she doesn't seem to pleased to be there. She actually wants to go back!

They really need to have better security in the factory when anyone can just wander in. Tony is still juggling money though at least another one of the flats is sold. Nothing else is bound to bring Carla back like the idea that Tony's pilfering their joint accounts. And Tony may be in for another surprise. Jed Stone is still in hospital and Emily's found him. Nice little bit of history there but it's surprising that he's lived a few blocks away for 40 years and never got in touch with anyone. He's back on Coronation Street and is going to be putting Norris' nose out of joint and Tony? He isn't going to be best pleased at all! Jed is possibly a key figure to Tony's cover up coming all unraveled!

Hmmm. Dev has gone sucking up to Prem to see if he can talk him round into letting him see his daughter. How many of you were hollering "Slap him again, Prem!!!" Prem doesn't want his baby girl to know her mother is a slapper. What's she going to do when she finds out the man she loves shagged her mother? Because she will, you know, they always do. Meanwhile, Tara found out her ex boyfriend was shagging her mother!!!! I'm not surprised. I got the distinct impression that Nina would and does jump anything with trousers and I think Prem knows, too. Boy Dev sure was squirming though! And there's Nina begging Dev not to tell. Shoe's on the other foot now, isn't it? Tara's now got her stilettoes under Dev's table. Amber isn't so keen.

Dev has also bought the kebab shop to add to his empire. He got a nose at the books because Darryl was mucking things up and probably saw that it was doing better than Darryl realized. He treated Darryl pretty crap though, even allowing him to comb his hair for a business meeting on advertising that he had no intention of paying any attention to. Dev wouldn't buy a losing business. Not only that, if he's selling the business, Jerry thought he might as well rent out the house as well. What's going to happen to Darryl?