Sunday Comments, May 4

Lines of the week:

• Jason to Sarah "Why do you want to get married surrounded by dead people?" Sarah (oh vacuous one) "Because it looks good in the photos!"
  
• Eileen singing "Man, I feel like a woman" Steve "Not funny!!! Not funny in the slightest!!" (erm, it is, actually!)
  
• Steve to Eileen "Getting the urge to nibble a little Malteser?"
  
• Steve "The world is our lobster" (oooh was that a nod to Hilda Oggie?)
  
• Tyrone "I'm not much of a doer, more of a thinker" (*snork*)
  
• Gail to David "I'm not having you slaughtering pimps and druggies when the vicar's eating his fig rolls"
  
• Roger to Janice about Cilla "She's so gobby she makes you seem shy and retiring"
  

So we get to visit sunny Malta this week with Steve and Eileen. Didn't it look lovely! They had quite an adventure, didn't they? First trying to find a hotel and then having to share a room. (I didn't think the pair of them were ever going to stop bickering! And when they did, Eileen started the self pity party) What was really nice during the holiday was the focus on their friendship even if Steve was the one that put Eileen's admirer off her. Prat! It *was* funny though, when Steve thought he might have had sex with Eileen. He was horrified and embarassed but also annoyed that she seemed to think little of it. Serves him right then :) (Um, they went to bed, Steve passed out, fully dressed but they woke up in the morning, he in his drawers and she in a nightie. Don't tell me she undressed him!) they weren't away very long, just a couple of days. No wonder it was a cheap vacation. A tall looker gave Steveyboy the glad eye and he sucked it up in typical Steve McDonald fashion only to be Stunned that it was a bloke! Will Eileen tell the secret? Will Steve stuff up again? It's *Steve*. Of course he will! And Eileen has photographic evidence, too!

Are we surprised that just as Steve said he was over Michelle, that she turned up again? Of course we aren't. It's all part of the Phrase of Doom syndrome innit? Looks like they're going to continue to bob and weave around each other. Good God that's tedious! Even now they both want to get back together and can't say the words. that's typical of their relationship. They've never been able to communicate properly. She says being apart make her realize how much she cared. Got a funny way of showing it. And what does she do? Use the C word. You could almost see the hairs on the back of Steve's neck standing up. She wants total honesty from Steve. That's going to be a bit tricky. "Forever" until she finds out about Shania. Will he say "But we were on a break!"

Tyrone is keeping up a campaign to annoy Paul just because Paul annoys him by just being. Why wouldn't Paul have told Ty that he had a proper job when Ty was slagging him off as lazy? It would have shut him up. Leanne lost her chef and waiter, does that mean she's doing it all aside from the cooking? If Paul's as good a chef as it seems, Leanne should start making good money at the restaurant and Roger can get some of his money back. Until then, he's going to be living under her and Janice's roof, a constant reminder. You'd have thought he would have been just a *little* smarter than to clean out his entire savings and current account so that he couldn't even pay his rent. And Leanne, did she really think that Dev would invest? And Dev...after Leanne tried to take him for sexual harassment a few years ago, why would he even consider doing business with her?

Sophie still has a crush on her teacher who is now teaching Sally. Bonus! He's going to be around her house sometimes outside of school. Sophie was low necklines and lip gloss! David seems to fancy Mel from next door. Aww bless. He's not that much younger, really. Rosie has had a taste of working life and now seems to be thinking that school might not be the answer. Sally is going to go through the roof! Sally is starting to obsess about her English lessons and "neglecting" her family, at least at mealtimes. You've got a father and two teenage girls that should be able to at least cook basic stuff, she shouldn't have to be the chief cook in times like these. As long as we don't have Kevin starting to whinge. He and Ashley could have whingefests between them.

Jason was shocked that his mother just upped and left on holiday but really, what would she been needed for. Wedding Plans? You know Gail and Sarah are going to take over that and only pretend to let Eileen's opinion matter. It'll probably be more peaceful this way anyway. Mind you, David seems intent on causing trouble with the wedding. What bee got up his bonnet? I like that the vicar had a serious talk to the couple about Jason's previous cold feet.

Angela has died on the golf course and her most recent ex husband, Norris, probably wants to go to the funeral to make sure she's not going to pop up and cackle 'Fooled You!' Still, it was a sudden shock and he'll be thinking about his own mortality now, as you do. He did get a bit over dramatic, though, talking about it to Emily. Love to see Doreen back again though! She knew it was bothering Norris, the death of Angela, no matter how badly their marraige ended. She's a breath of fresh air!

Casey doesn't want Ashley panicking but she keeps turning up when he least expects it and Claire keeps shoving Casey under Ashley's nose. Boy is she going to be pissed when she finds out her husband and her best friend were having it off under her own nose. In the meantime, Casey is going from one to the other and she knows just what to say and it's always the right thing for what the listener wants to hear. Meantime, Claire's still thinking that the police and everyone else think she set the fire. Claire does have a point. Someone tried to kill her, why aren't they even entertaining the thought that it could be the husband? Not that it is but it makes about as much sense.

When you chuck your phone in the sea. The salt water sea. I really don't think there's much point in retrieving it except to toss it out. Cilla seems a bit pointless these days doesn't she?