Tuesday, 2 August 2011
Fat Brenda's Cream Horn (Aug. 2)
Hiya loves, it's me, Brenda.
Deirdre swears she's under surveillance from Gail after she saw her collecting up ciggie ends from outside the medical centre. She was examining the them for lipstick marks before popping them into her handbag. Deirdre is paranoid to go out for a smoke now, poor love, it'd be a brave woman that would get between me and a Dunhill!
Steve arranged a secret cab for Jack and Tyrone so they could enjoy a chicken in a basket meal at the local lap-dancing bar. I hear it's a pretty rough place, me friend Bernice did a turn there dressed as a dinner lady, she hurled her dumplings into the audience and doused the punters in HP sauce, she was asked to leave though, she didn't actually work there! I don't know what's got into Jack Duckworth going to a club like that at his age but, he doesn't look at all well, bless him.
I'll tell you who's weird, Owen the builder. He came over to the cab office to look for Chesney and he must have said me name about twenty times. He was only here two minutes! 'Have you seen Chesney, Brenda? Will you tell me Brenda, when you see him Brenda? Thanks Brenda, That's great Brenda. See you later Brenda. Bye then Brenda. Take care Brenda.' What the flamin' hell is all that about? I've got a bad feeling about that bloke, he makes Jim McDonald look like a metrosexual! She can pick 'em that Liz.
The other newsworthy taxi pick-up this week was for Ryan, he's gone off to university. I hope he doesn't do an Amber and disappear off the face of the earth. Do they not have summer or christmas holidays at these places? Once people from round here go on to further education they never come back again! They're sinister if you ask me. Maybe I'll get (Gail) McIntyre Investigates to look into it for me after she's finished stalking poor Deirdre.
Right loves, I'm off for a quick trim at Audrey's so I'll say goodbye. If you want to tweeter me then go ahead, I need a distraction at that cab office to save me from Lloyd moaning about Cheryl all night.