Saturday, 12 October 2013

What the Platt family needs is a nice Irish nanny

(This post was originally posted by Graeme N on the Coronation Street Blog in September 2013.)

I'm finding the Platts a bit dull at the moment. It feels like the entire clan is in that coma with Nick. It's been far too long since a Platt has been pushed down the stairs or plunged into the canal by a loved one.

I think it's time to spice things up a bit. What David and Kylie clearly need is a mad Irish nanny. I long for Crazy Carmel to make a return visit. Maybe she finally did get pregnant after all and she has an equally deranged daughter who could come back and cause mayhem at number 8? If not the original, there must be another Cusack around somewhere who could step into the drab cardigan and sensible shoes. 

In all seriousness, I'm getting a bit tired of the whole David/Nick/Kylie saga. It's all far too complicated now for me to care. I've forgotten who knows what about this, that and who's had a bit of the other. Nick has given the performance of his life in that hospital bed. Although we the viewer note that he has a newly shaved head which can only mean he'll come round with a scary new personality which makes David look like Julie Andrews. All Leanne does these days is whinge and look moist around the eyes. Simon is so bored of her, he's not had any dialogue since February.

I love Kylie and always will, but the grouchy new mum thing doesn't really suit her. She could do a lot better than either of the Platt Tilsley boys and considering she's a former cage dancer who sold her son to her sister, that's saying something! As for David, well we've all seen his demonic side far too often for it to be a shocker. That evil upwards stare just doesn't cut the mustard anymore. The character appears to be in a continuous cycle of Good David/ Evil David. I'm not sure I can take another twenty years of the same. 

And as for Gail. Well when the truth finally hits the fan, or when everybody knows what everybody already knows, we must prepare ourselves for the grim task of watching much eyelash fluttering and softly spoken Ivy Tilsley like drops of poison. Gosh, if any character needs a reboot, it's Gail.

Back in the days when Gail had hair that flowed past her shoulders we cared about her and supported her feisty battles against Ivy, Audrey or whoever else crossed her path. When she came up against mad Carmel, we were on her side. If Carmel junior appeared on the cobbles today, I worry I'd be backing her all the way. 

I've always loved the dynamic of the Platts. I just feel like we've been here with them too many times before. I know the backbone of soap is the triumvirate of secrets, lies and who's the daddy, but I really do think Gail and her brood need an injection of fresh thinking and different plot lines. And no, that does not mean the return of either Lewis or Marc/Marcia! 

Where am I going with all this? Well, if I was Audrey, I'd read this blog, sell up and run like hell!    

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