Saturday, 27 June 2015

39 signs you’re addicted to Coronation Street

(This post was originally posted by Flaming Nora on the Coronation Street Blog May 2015, reposted to this blog with permission.)

Reposted with permission. By Alice Wright for Metro

It’s our longest running popular drama series, the soap opera by which all others must be judged and as much a part of our British heritage as the royal family and pots of tea.

Strong female characters, recognisable domestic situations, sharp humour lightening the angst, woven into the very fabric of our society Britain still stands as long as there is Coronation Street.

Most of us love it to some degree, but some of us love it just a bit too much… let’s see if you’ve the signs of a Corrie addiction:

1. When someone mentions ‘the street’ you don’t assume it’s the one you or they live on.

2. The only cat to own is a ginger one. Hilda and Tony and Barlow are good names for it.

3. You ask for a barm in Greggs.

4. When meeting someone French you have the urge to say “Je m’appelle Raquel’.

5. You’ve attempted to make a hot pot.

6. And you’ve tried to track down a real blood sausage.

7. Also, stuffed marrow is a thing.

8. The fact Les Dennis joined the show after Mavis Riley left to run a B&B is one of the world’s greatest missed opportunities. Because… I don’t really know Vera.

9. Ken Morley let you down on CBB.

10. You know the real owner of the Rovers Return was Betty.

11. It’s not an alley, it’s a ginnel.

12. And cabin is spelt with a K.

13. Forget Mr Darcy walking out of the pond… have you SEEN Ken Barlow with his shirt all undone after the classic 1983 fight scene with Deirdre? Well hose me down with Newton & Ridley’s finest.

14. In fact a row isn’t a row unless you’re growling this at each other: ‘I wanted you.’ ‘You never wanted me.’

15. You’d never trust anyone called Tracy. Or Terry.

16. If you’re lucky enough to find a pub with one you’ll always sit in the Snug.

17. You’d never ride a bike down a cobbled street.

18. And you’ve never really felt safe on a tram.

19. You’ve remembered the best Blanche one-liners just so you have a put down for any situation. ‘Good looks are a curse, you should count yourself lucky’ is a particular fave and most useful.

20. The bigger the spectacles the better. This applies to both men and women.

21. You know only one woman in the whole world can rock leopard skin AND a beehive.

22. And hairnets and headscarves were a thing long before the hipsters got their ironic hands on them. Turbans too.

23. OK she has little to do these days but the Street would surely shut down if anything happened to Rita?

24. If your name ends in Y or IE it’s pronounced EH.

25. You know that women over 50 have to cut their hair shorter and style it into a big, wavy helmet.

26. And you know that women called Gail should NEVER EVER marry.

27. You’d never want a child born at Christmas because they turn out to be wrong’uns. Looking at you David Platt and Rosie Webster.

29. You know quite a bit about the stitching on gussets and elasticated lace.

30. There’s not a cat fight in the world that can’t be broken up by snarling ‘Hey lady’.

31. Balding blokes with a paunch and a twenty a day habit are actually quite attractive.

32. You’ve ordered half a mild just to see what it tasted like.

33. You own a Free The Weatherfield One t-shirt.

34. And three flying china ducks grace your walls.

35. Only Jim McDonald gets to call Liz Elizabeth.

36. Brassy. One of the best insults ever.

37. Jack & Vera. Ken & Deirdre. Roy & Hayley. Forever.

38. You know that every single situation on earth can be improved instantaneously by putting the kettle on.

39. But the best time on earth to put the kettle on is when those instantly recognisable lackadaisical trumpets herald the start of the greatest show on TV.

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