Oh Toni, Toni! Oh no,
Toni!
Loveys, it’s a sad day
on’t cobbles cos we’ve lost one of our own. A hero. Sometimes I feel like folk
are introduced into our lives only for them to be cruelly snatched away! As if
the ONLY reason they’re there in’t first place is to die!
“You din’t even know
her”, Paul keeps shouting to them what offer their commiserations. But we did
know her Paul. We knew her! OH WE FLAMIN’ KNEW HER!
Oh Toni, you were a
lass that drunk pints; that organised charity events! A lass that din’t get a
dickie tummy or the runs when all the other firefellas did. You could
choreograph doctors, builders, factory bosses, mechanics and Karl. Oh Toni Toni
Toni, will I see you in heaven lovey? Are you climbing that ladder into the
beyond as we speak; wearing yer breathing apparatus; rattling yer charity
bucket? IT’S SO UNFAIR!
Seeing Stella banging
on that window and screaming for help will be a vision that haunts for me for a
long time to come, she’s that pale she were like an apparition. The ghost of
the Rovers past; all beige and wan; wailing; screaming; with a vile stench (her
Freshco bath pearls) wafting above the thick black smoke!
 |
| Stella climbed out of the bath... |
I did see the fire
earlier on in’t evening but there’s always thick black smoke in that part of
the street due to Deirdre smoking in’t yard so I din’t think owt of it.
Oh loveys, did you see
‘em all getting their kit off? All pallid and gyrating! It
was like Cocoon!
 |
| The Full flamin' Monty! |
Rita was in bits,
loveys. It reminded her of that harrowing night when the tram derailed and
trapped Molly underneath them Heinz (product placement) tins and HP (product
placement) beans. Poor Rita lay across the road in't Kabin, under a sea of bon bons and brick dust and
the fire just brought it all back. Still, at least she din’t start that
warbling again! Mind you, Dame Tommy Vera Lynn Duckworth did sing the 'White
Cliffs of Dover' for us all when we held a candlelit vigil by the glowing embers
of the pub. It wan’t meant to be candlelit but all them candles Gloria got when
the power went out were still burning so it seemed rude not to use 'em!
 |
| Deadly and harrowing bon bons! |
Apparently the
firefella on the scene said that if Liz McDonald was still running the pub it’d have gone up much quicker due to the amount of man-made fibres she had in her underwear
and negligee drawer. In fact, if you look closely at Liz McDonald she has a
tattoo that warns folk about going too near her with a naked flame - just in
case. A nightmare for a smoker!
 |
| Tattoo! |
The thing that I find
most tragic about the whole thing is that someone woke Tracy up!
Poor Sunita is wired
up in Weatherfield General so we don’t have to worry do we, loveys? We all know
that whoever goes into that place comes out alive! Sophie – when she fell off
that roof and then when she got hit by that car, Stella – when she got hit by
that car, Graeme Proctor – when he got hit by that car… so basically when folk
get hit by a car (except my poor Liam Connor – may Cliff rest his soul – mind you
he never made it to the hospital did he) they’ve got a pretty good chance of
surviving.
I’ll tell you who gets
on my wick: Leanne! What a sour faced, self-righteous, moody mare she is!
Looking down her nose at folk when she were the one that was a drug addled scarlet
jezebel! She's heading for a slap that one! I wish she'd have popped into the Rovers for summat on Monday night! Mind you, she was too busy ogling all the fellas on't stage wan't she? Old habits die hard!
Anyhow, I’m going over
to the Rovers to see if them gin bottles have cooled down so I can do a bit of
good old fashioned Weatherfield looting!
I'm here an' all - on TWEETER!
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