Sunday 27 December 2009

Sunday Comments, December 27

Lines of the week:

  • Mary "If the ladder falls on anyone, i'm sure we'll hear the scream"
  • Norris "More mockery! More humiliation! This seems to be the season for it!" (Yes because it's so easy to wind you up!)

  • Becky "I want cleavage you could park a bike in!"
  • Roy about Becky "She is the single best example of that old cliche. It's what's inside that counts"

Tina to her own self was true and she dropped David in it. It annoyed me that Joe was insisting she tell the truth or he would. On one level, he's right, it's illegal and she would have got in trouble had she lied, but we all also know he was being self serving with the kitchen contract. You know, i wasn't sorry at all when that smug git David had his smug look wiped off his face though it's true that Gary morally started the fight, he'd been pecking at David all day until he lost it. So the Windasses proceeded to very loudly rub the Platt faces in Gary's freedom. You have to wonder if Gary screaming "Got you Platt!" in court might have given the jury pause to reflect that maybe, although Gary didn't pull the first punch, that he really did instigate it. and David is sulking. Gail is pissed because Joe knew and because David's let her down again. A Drunken Anna's presence didn't help. And really, because David is all wound up and resentful towards Tina and pushing her away, Gary is going to win in the end, even if Tina doesn't want him.

So Tina gives David the push and initially, that's ok by him but it doesn't last. He's determined to woo her back. Unless Graeme persuades her to go out with him first. Nah. Didn't think so. Tina thinks David is insane and while he might not be, the boy does have some serious problems with anger. Meanwhile Joe is getting things together for the kitchens. Even though the warehouse is just a shell. No walls, no flats, nothing. Aren't kitchens some of the last things fitted in the interiors? Why is he doing it all now? And with loan sharks! Obviously he's going to get into even more trouble financially. It's so obvious and so contrived. He's also way too volatile. Gail, run away! She only wanted to give Joe money for the job so that he could hire David back on. David now hates Joe for A. not hiring him and B. being on Tina's side. But at least, this time, I think he's on the money, if that's not a poor choice of words where Joe is concerned but when David takes a hate for someone, things can get dangerous.

I wish someone would pour more than compost over Norris. Nasty little man. And he was fine after. But the next day he had the collar on and was whining. Rita's back and not too keen on the window box after all that palaver! I can't imagine what Mary must see in Norris and want to travel with him in a small, confined space? Emily said she'd miss Norris. But i could see the shape of crossed fingers in her pocket! Rita did seem upset, however. Norris says he's going to go but is that because Colin seems to have taken over Rita's life and Norris is jealous? Maybe he thinks there will soon be nowhere in Rita's life for him. Probably still has feelings for her. I can't imagine driving to China in a motor home, though.

Poor Janice, she's really struggling to study. Luke handled it really well. Send her on a first aid course to give her a start. She might never be a nurse but she might be a nurse's aid, who knows? Rosie is always a bossy cow and yes, i know Janice often slags her off but Rosie can be very infuriating, too and then gets all afronted when someone hollers back and takes offence! Ken always reminds me of a deer caught in the headlights when women are aggressive with him, making passes and kissing him and the like. He always went after the women but it always seemed passive aggressive, letting them make the first actual move. I guess then he can complain that "she made me!!!" I'll say she did ;)

Peter is finally home and proceeded to blow it big time. After rehab he went sailing with another woman. That man just can't resist a woman, can he? Whoever is near at hand it seems. He's not above using any emotional blackmail he can but it didn't work and rightly so. So Leanne is off to Leeds due to his lying but the reason is because the actress is going on maternity leave. I guess that'll be Michelle in the betting shop to attract Peter's attention next. Blanche is a funny old thing isn't she? She can slag off her family at the drop of a hat and then turn around and do what she can to try to get Leanne and Peter back together. Didn't work though.

Tara wants an art gallery/shop? So she'll be sucking money out of Dev for it, no doubt. He'll see it as an investment, to keep her in town. In the meantime, Dev's Uncle Umed has arrived. He's a funny/odd man isn't he? Kind of creeps me when he's chatting up the women though. Did you notice Dev's Indian accent came out of nowhwere when Uncle U came? Don't forget, Dev was born and raised in Birmingham though he doesn't have one of those accents either, come to think of it. Umed paid the taxi but conveniently forgot his walled at the pub. Hmm. All of Mary's "holiday of a lifetime" photos seem to be of either her or her mother. On the boat. I wonder if they actually went ashore! Hmmm... Lloyd seems to be avoiding being seen in public with Liz yet he doesn't have a problem with the age difference. Or so he says. But he didn't introduce Liz to Umed as his girlfriend, did he?

Becky is going for the wedding, full force. Pink satin and tulle and she's going to look like a Barbie doll! I can't get over how nasty Liz is being to Becky. She never wastes an opportunity to slag her off and makes a few as well. Good for Roy for telling her what for!

Sunday 20 December 2009

Can I just say I love Steve and Becky!

I know it came out of nowhere, and i know it seems a bit like a Karen-rerun but i still love Becky and Steve together. Part of me thinks maybe Steve went for Becky because Michelle was just dragging him down so it's kind of a rebound thing. Becky is certainly more fun than Michelle, that's for sure. Becky is going to be as high maintenance as Karen, really. Karen was gobby and so is Becky. They are both spirited and dominating. Steve has always prefered domineering woman and you know, maybe it's true that a lot of men go for women like their mothers, same as a lot of women go for men like their fathers. Liz is certainly domineering and gobby.

It's interesting that Liz has taken so much against Becky, same as she did Karen. I think it's probably like looking in the mirror for her because they aren't that different really. It bothers me that Liz is so nasty to Becky and doesn't hide it, even around Amy sometimes. It also bothers me that Steve doesn't really put his foot down with his mother and tell her to lay off once and for all. All she gets from him is a warning "mother!" but he doesn't go any further. No wonder Liz thinks she can get away with being so bitchy. Becky can hold her own but is obviously very hurt just the same.

Becky's got a strong shell but inside she's a scared little girl. She's had a pretty rough life from the stories we've heard her tell. Up to now, she's survived any way she could but the support and belief in her from Roy and Hayley have given her a bit of self esteem and she's bloomed. Now Steve loves her and maybe that will really be the making of her, who knows?

I always thought Karen was the perfect one for Steve but she was too much a loose cannon for him. Will Becky go the same way? She's got the potential but we'll be in for a roller coaster ride in the meantime. Steve and Becky are planning to get married on Friday 13th. Becky is highly superstitious. Do YOU think it's going to go smoothly? Nor do I.

Sunday Comments, December 20

Lines of the week:

  • Ken about Martha's character "Fooling yourself to the very end" Ken "We all do that sometimes" (like now)
  • Len to Joe "Everybody's got a price. Yours is dropping by the hour"
  • Ted to Ken "I just feel you should be more honest with yourself"
  • Becky to Steve "Do they all get rings as nice as this?" (um, yes at least one of them did)
  • Blanche "That's the second fiancee to chuck it away. You'd be better off buying a boomerang!" and "And they said it wouldn't last!"
  • Anna "I hope you know your lad's about to commit perjury" Gail "Really? At least mine can spell it!" (The smugger they are, the harder they fall!)
  • Eileen "Rita's Royal R's, it's going to be the talk of the neighbourhood"

Hmm so Len is putting a lot of work Joe's way, 19 kitchens, if he gets Tina to retract her statement. Why on earth they'd be worried about fitting kitchens when the building is only an empty warehouse and there's no flats in it yet, i don't know. So will Joe stick to his principles to see the Windasses go down or will his state of finances win out. Yep...he led Tina into admitting she's lying. So now what? If she tells the truth, Gary gets off and Joe gets work. If he trusts Len's word. Does he get angry at David for putting his daughter in a situation where she has to break the law and lie in court? It must be a legitimate deal. There's a contract. We'll see if it's worth the paper it's printed on. Joe is taking advantage of Tina's admission, now, he'll push her to tell the truth because "it's the right thing to do".... yeah... for his wallet. Well they've all pressured her so much that she's taken off. Will she come back for the trial?

And so we end the week in the courtroom. Gail is all smug but we know the truth. Will Tina show up? Will Gary go down? Tina showed up. Ted told her to her own self be true. So.... truth or lies under oath? Find out on MOnday.

I get so angry that i shout at the screen when Martha keeps ragging on about how lovely and sensitive Ken is and he keeps on letting her assume he's widowed even when there are the perfect opportunities to do so. Ken gets home late. So much for Deirdre's nice evening together. Then he drags Ted into it using him as an alibi. Ted isn't fooled one little bit so he decides to go meet Martha himself to see what Ken is so enthralled by. Ken nearly swallowed his tongue when he saw Ted there. Ted poked and prodded and Ken finally admitted he was lying to everyone including himself.

Does Maria sell LadRags or not? Michelle has a point, LadRags could do really well if they put more effort into it.

Liz is really being underhanded and putting the knife in Becky's back with STeve. She insults Becky non stop and brings in MIchelle to take over Amy, which is only going to confuse the little girl. She finally leaves Becky in charge and look what happens. A bus load of Metal fans eating and drinking the pub dry. Poor Becky only had one set of hands. You'd think one or two of the regulars would at least offer to ferry sandwiches back and forth from the kitchen. Instead, Kelly the B!tch just made trouble for Becky and it made it look all that much worse on Becky in Liz's eyes. And Steve didn't do a whole lot to defend her either.

He's such a prat isn't he? All this sucking up and smoothing over the hurt edges caused by his mother and all the time he's pawning off on Becky the ring he bought Michelle that Michelle picked out. And Liz has some brass neck calling Becky a gobby mare and counting down all Steve's exes. Pot or Kettle, Liz? Anyway, Becky found out and i thought she was going to take Steve's head off. Only she aimed lower. Probably appropriate. His way of making up? Scheduling the wedding... for Friday the 13th! More superstition!!! I'm kind of surprised she decided to keep the ring, calling it recycling. But then again, it's worth 7500 quid, why not? And Michelle didn't want it, she chucked it in the garbage skip! Too bad everyone else seems to be against the wedding, as well. Even his mother, which was expected, but also Lloyd who, when he didn't think Steve was listening, agreed he didn't think it would last.

Eileen finally met up with her old school friend Paula. Paula has been avoiding Eileen so there must be a reason. If so, why would she be on the Street where she could bump into her which is what happened. Paula was 14 when she got pregnant and moved away. Thought she had to be pretty young. Eileen's dad decides to give Rita a flower box. Who knew Graeme was such a garden expert? The problem is Norris. As usual. What business did he have shaking the ladder under Graeme? He deserved to have the compost dropped on him and i bet he blames Graeme when he was clearly in the wrong.

Sophie's got Sally in a spot, you have to give something up for Lent! Booze? And Sally coerced Kevin into it too. Right, and how long did that last? 5 minutes, that's how long. Like they think nobody can smell the booze?

Ah the rigors of filming outdoors. The teenage girls were sitting on the wall while it was snowing! What on earth was Liz wearing? Those black and white patterned tights!!! GahhH! All of a sudden, Ryan is a guitar player and is in a band! When did that happen? He was determined to make a living out of gaming last i heard.

I forgot Michelle was away. Her hair sure got long while she was away! Extensions, no doubt.

Sunday 13 December 2009

Sunday Comments, December 13

Lines of the week:

  • Steve to Liz about Becky "We're engaged." Deidre "Never a dull moment round here!" Steve "And she's moving in. Today."
  • Sean about Jason's broken heart "What he needs is a good cry!"
  • Kelly about Julie "I've seen nightlights brighter than her"
  • Ashley about Josh "I bet he'll voice will crack before mine does" (*snork* lickle "in" joke there?)
  • Michelle about Becky in a wedding dress "She'll look like a whippet in a frock"
  • Tony "A helium balloon tied to a pair of high heels. Rosie Webster" Luke "Two helium balloons?"
  • Ken "That 'We' that i'm never part of!!" (Because it's really all about you!)
  • Blanche about Ken's behaviour "I hate to say it, but i feel another novel coming on!"
  • Janice "Tony's nose is put that much out of joint he's got to go into another room to blow it!" (LOL i have to remember that one!)

It's bad enough that Michelle didn't know that the "other woman" was Becky, her friend, but seeing that Steve gave Becky the ring he'd bought for her? That's low. Mind you it's a fuzzy area. Michelle never did want the ring and chucked it into a garbage bin. It's not as if she wore it for any time before the breakup. It's a perfectly good ring. But morally, yeah, probably not the best idea Steve's had, is it? Becky took a thumping from MIchelle but she only gets one "get out of jail free" card and the next time she tries it, I am sure Michelle will have lost a few of those hair extensions to Becky's claws. Leanne decided that since Steve would be so uncomfortable if Michelle got a job in the bookies, she'd give her a job! You know, i really like Leanne. I always did. I got wondering why she and Steve never got together. They aren't that different in age, especially now that they're adults. Ah well. Just mates.

Liz Hates Becky. We get that. But even if Becky gives Amy too much breakfast and gives her pretend kiddie coffee, is it really a good idea to take the kid away from her breakfast altogether?

So intimidating Tina didn't really work, Len decided to try it on with Ted but he's not afraid. It gave Tina the shakes though she's not backing down. The more he pressures, the more she's determined to dig in her heels. Then Len turned around and arranged to have Joe's lockup robbed but made sure he was in the pub acting all Jack the Lad and loudly buying rounds for a firm alibi. And i wouldn't be saying out in public about putting the pressure on Tina until she changes her mind. Ted was, as ever, The Voice of Reason and the first real one on the show. (don't get me started on Ken bloody Barlow!) Poor Tina, more and more pressure. As the day in court gets closer, what is she going to do? But Gary's right when he told off his family. The more they interfere, the more Tina digs in her heels.

Then Gail spilled the beans about Joe's situation to Jason and Joe didn't like it. He doesn't like his dirty washing aired in public. That's because he looks like a loser. I'm beginning to think he is! He's got a quick temper if nothing else. Were you surprised that Len was behind a big kitchen refit job? What kind of deal is he going to offer? Stay tuned next week and see!

I feel terrible for Julie being under that kind of pressure from Tony. Mind you, if they were in a union, he could never get away with that. Even so, i'd be going to a tribunal so fast Tony's head would spin because if he sacked her because she wouldn't sack anyone else, that's very much unfair dismissal. And nobody is going to defend Julie. That's kind of unfair, too. She volunteered to get sacked but he still tried to force her to do it. I'd be quitting if that was me. Then i'd go to a tribunal. And get a solicitor. Anyway, guess what? She did tell Tony she'd be the one that was sacked (you get benefits in that case, you don't if you quit), and she was saved by the bell, so to speak. Luke Strong, appointed by Carla to run the factory (she has the majority share, remember?)

So Luke Strong. He's definitely going to be a thorn in Tony's side. Tony is NOT impressed by his appearance. I wonder if Luke Strong is really who he says he is. Does he have an agenda other than winding up Tony? He certainly enjoys doing that. He's making friends with the workers too. I think he's working up to a good cop-bad cop scenario lol Tony thinks he is a spy. He could be. I don't know. He *is* cute though. A nice bit of eye candy to look at. Mind you, Tony is easy on the eyes too. He comes across as too good to be true, though. Should we trust him? Tony certainly doesn't.

Liz and Lloyd on a dinner date with the Barlows? Ken, of course, wanted to go to Martha's play. after all Ken didn't even bother to go home when he returned from Peter's, he went straight to the barge lady. Of course she would have given a Tony award winning performance seeing as she's perfect. Honestly, she's so annoying because she comes across like the perfect woman. Ken's soul mate. I don't trust her. Does anyone else think she could turn into a stalker or scam him for cash or something? And if Deirdre thinks it's embarassing that Ken doesn't even want to be there, she ain't seen nothing yet.

He certainly got jumpy with the Beatles song Martha My Dear was mentioned and it turns out he's been playing it over and over all week. Just mates, he says. Blanche was a hoot, moaning about being shut in the cellar. And Ken balks at painting Blanche's room which would only take a couple of hours and kicks off that he's tired of everyone else arranging his life. Cripes! But buying wine at a corner shop in your own neighbourhood when you aren't going to be sharing it with your wife is an amateur's mistake. Ken's no amateur when it comes to cheating so it's kind of odd he would do that.

Graeme made a passable Fred-immitation. Poor Ashley first thought he was possessed by Fred's spirit and then though he was making fun! But why on earth was Fred's hat so filthy dirty? It wasn't when Fred last wore it and it's been hanging in the shop. It can't be that dusty in a food shop.

What a contrast, Steve and Becky all over each other, full of emotions and there's Roy and Hayley barely touching in public but you know Roy and Hayley are devoted to each other. It's nice that Sophie has a best mate to kick around with and it looks like it's going to be a foursome, Sophie and Ben, Sian and Ryan. Poor Chesney looks to be the gooseberry as always!

Sunday 6 December 2009

Sunday comments, December 6

Lines of the week:

  • Deirdre to Ken (referring to the kimono) "You're on balloon duty, Grasshopper"
  • Sally about someone on the telly "It's not a dimple on her chin, it's a belly button!"
  • Tony "Mrs. Connor has left the building and I'm not exactly brimming with the milk of human kindness"
  • Steve "Gazumped by a builder in a fancy jacket"
  • Becky "I can't believe two blokes want to marry *me*!"
  • Eileen "One loves and the other is loved"
  • Natasha to Poppy "Are blokes round here all complete idiots?" (yeah, pretty much lol)

Steve and Natasha? Nah. Pity, Natasha seems to fancy Steve but he's only got eyes for Becky. He didn't bother to change for their date, he insisted on a takeaway and the darts on telly. Nice. He used her hoping to make Becky jealous but she didn't bite. Becky came out the best though, two proposals including one Hollywood style! That was a fab gesture! (even if she did have pink rubber gloves on with chicken skin stuck to them!) Aw poor Steve, having to hear everyone laughing and celebrating while his heart is breaking. Then Becky has to decide... Weighing them both up seemed to put them both on equal footing. On paper Jason seems to be the better candidate, she knows him better than she knows Steve, but you know, Becky's heart really seems to be with Steve. I think his "dead twinkly eyes" are going to win out even if she thinks Jason has the advantage. What turned the tide? Eileen talking about how Jason was crazier about Sarah than she was about him. Becky knew. She just *knew* it was the same with her. She doesn't love Jason as much as he deserves to be loved. Aw didn't your heart just break for Jason?

I should think that even though the kebab shop security cam had no sound, seeing Tina cower behind the counter and throw him out would be enough evidence. Plus that short, sharp holler didn't look like laughing to me. You know, Tina is always so confident and cocky, you forget she's just a teenage kid. No wonder she was scared coming back to an empty house after the encounter with Len. I actually feel a bit sorry for Anna. She want's everything to work out and everyone keeps putting their oar in and making it worse. And Len's threats actually made Tina dig her heels in so it backfired. I dunno. Does Joe seem kind of pathetic to anyone else? He got all rough with Len after hearing about his daughter being threatened and then couldn't follow through. All mouth no trousers.

Graeme is a gardener afficionado? Who knew? And Kevin got all grumpy when he found out Sally paid Graeme to do the garden and pretended she'd done it. He went a bit OTT but then i can't blame him. Sally has always run roughshod over him. He don't get any respect. *sulk* And it sounds like he still feels unseated by living in a house he can't seem to feel at home in.

I'm surprised that Maria went with Leanne to talk to Tony after she was so against him. He only told her part of the truth, that Carla was in love with Liam and that's why she left. He didn't say that Liam was going to leave Maria. Now she's got to get through another first, their anniversary and surprise! She finds Tony at the graveside. Do I detect a thawing? I think it was another plan of Tony's to keep Maria sympathetic, he heard from Julie that it was the anniversary. He wouldn't have remembered on his own. I can't help thinking Tony's tears were either crocodile ones, or else he was still emotional over Carla more than anything. He wouldn't be crying if Carla had chosen him, would he?

It seems he's still taking it out on everyone though. Making Julie decide who gets sacked is mean and totally uncalled for. And the staff aren't making it easy. Either they're all really good or they're all slacking off.

Oh my. Sophie is going to go to church because of Ben. That's a turn up for the books. But she seems to have dove into it with flags flying. She's decided to take up religion and also to be celibate until she's married. Kevin doesn't think it will last but you know Sophie, she always dances to a different drummer. I think it's great that they're taking her down a different road than they did with Rosie. Rita is getting closer to Eileen's dad, Colin. Norris seems to be pals only with Mary but it's pretty clear that she fancies him and i think she scares him! And Julie seems to find Jason attractive but she still loves her Kirkey. Or does she? Julie seems to be getting annoyed with Kirk. He wants to be a stuntman!

I think Deirdre has been hanging out with Liz too much. What's with the cleavage with all that flesh wobbling about, and for a children's birthday party too!

Sunday 29 November 2009

Sunday Comments, Novmber 29

Lines of the week:

  • Ted to Ken "When I say i'm a good listener, i mean i'm an insufferable busybody"
  • Rosie about Ben "Ok so he's not a complete mutant!"
  • Kirk "What sort of person fakes a mugging?" Eddie "I live here! I couldn't do a runner like I usually do!"
  • Tyrone about Tony "He was well gutted, i could tell. He's such a bad loser" (uh huh)
  • Steve "I'm exstatic!" Becky "Well I'm Euphoric!" Steve "That's a big word for a small girl!" Becky "You don’t work next to Roy Cropper for a year and learn nothin’”
  • Carla "And what brilliant subterfuge it was. We even had subterfuge in my wedding dress"
  • Tony "Grief is grief!! The only difference is i didn't have to mourn. I could do something about mine!"
  • Carla "You're a good man" Tony "No i'm not" (you got that right!)
  • Steve about the singles club "The only problem with the lights is that they're on"

Is a coconut macaroon a cake or a biscuit? That was the question this week and Steve and Lloyd had everyone on the street talking about it. That was a classic Corrie move, intersperse the tension and drama between Tony and Carla with light silliness. So cakes go hard when they're stale and biscuits (cookies) go soft. Allegedly. Or...If you believe Eddie Windass (and he's a master baker so if nothing else, he'd know this!) Cakes rise, biscuits don't ergo a coconut macaroon is a biscuit.

Tony's excuses to Carla about Jed, making out that his neck bruises was an attempt at suicide didn't sound very likely to me but Carla bought it. At first. Tony didn't waste any time and lit a fire under Jimmy to light a fire under Jed. And the sight of Jimmy lit the suspicious fires under Carla again. Jed plus heart attack plus Jimmy plus altercation. Yep, i'd be asking questions too and she went straight to the horse, Jimmy himself. He was non-committal. She didn't get a thing out of him but he's rattled.

How could Tony be looking down out the window at Carla outside the factory when she entered and came *down* a few steps to where he was waiting? Anyway, that was the start of an explosive confrontation! He started off trying to convince her his story was the truth but she didn't buy it. So he pretended he did know but thought he'd just wait it out. No dice. Man she really gave it to him! Taunting him with her affair, and her love for Liam, how much better in everything Liam was than Tony. He actually had tears in his eyes, because he'd lost her for good i suppose. And maybe a bit of guilt. She pushed and pushed until he lost his rag. Result. You know why she backed down again and told him maybe it was just lure him into confessing. And confess he did! In spades! One of the best episodes on Corrie, that was. Tony didn't sound very sorry or guilty at all about the murder though he did seem to have a flash of it when he realized Maria was pregnant. They were throwing it back and forth, each doing their best to hurt each other and it ended with Carla speeding off into the rain, Tony soaking wet on the cobbles calling her name.

Janice wants to be a nurse but needs school qualifications. Yet biology is too hard (you kinda need that to be a nurse) and there's just too much history to learn. Something tells me she needs to rethink her calling.

So Ken has spilled his guts to the neutral Ted who might be a busybody but he's also The Vault. He keeps saying Martha's a friend but his head is in the clouds and he hasn't told anyone else about her either. Ken in a kimono in a back street terrace house. Yes, that's the image i always wanted. Now Martha wants to meet his grandchildren, or family. Um, last thing he wants isn't it? He hasn't been honest and the longer it goes on, the deeper it gets buried.

Steve is still having a hard time accepting his mother and Lloyd's relationship. I think they work, actually. There isn't that much of an age between them really, less than 10 years. Lloyd tricked Steve into going to a singles night and who else was there? Bill Webster! And Liz couldn't stand it, she had to go see what was up, too!

This business over Gary and David is annoying. And when did Anna and Eddie own a nice car? It's a BMW! I thought they moved their stuff in a van or truck. Maybe it's Len's car? Anna is determined to try to win over Gail but you know Gail, her with the blinders the size of dinner plates on. Any of Anna's efforts are getting nowhere especially when Uncle Len skulks around the kebab shop with Tina, he's very intimidating as he meant to be. I'd be on the phone to 999 or anyone else, pronto!

Eddie's darts scheme was exposed for the scam we all knew it was. The guy that got the triple 20 in darts is apparently a famous darts player. And it turns out.... who'd have thought it... Eddie is a master baker!!! I'm not sure cakes are going to turn the tide though. Sophie's crush, Ben, seems very nice and awfully polite! No bad boy for her! And she's going to a Christian youth club. Is she about to be born again or is it just interest because Ben is in the club? Nice little touch with Rosie and Sophie actually not bickering and Rosie helping her get ready for a date. (It didn't last very long, though!) Ben sure seems like a fine upstanding and very polite young man! Makes a change from Rosie's fellas!

Leanne's looking a bit scruffy isn't she? Looks like her hair was cut with a hedge trimmer. A little aside, the bloke that plays Jimmy is the real life husband of Jane Danson who plays Leanne. Vikki has left to see her mother in Poland. That's because the actress is pregnant. Don't know if she's coming back or not. The actress that plays Leanne is pregnant and so is the one that plays Carla. Carla's now on her maternity leave and Leanne won't be far behind.

Sunday 22 November 2009

Sunday comments, November 22

Lines of the week:

  • Janice to David "I'd have thought you would have been the last one to criticize anyone's driving!" (Score!)
  • Norris to Liz "And i suppose you're younger than you look"
  • Janice "I should have been a nurse and it's not too late!"
  • Len "He can look after himself can our Gary"
  • Carla "I want to know, Tony, What really happened?" (are you sure you wanna know?)

I'm back and i have caught up a little. I did see Ty and Moll's wedding which almost went off without a hitch except for Tyrone fainting at the altar and his mother nicking the honeymoon tickets. Maria is really losing her rag over this Tony stuff. The worst part of it is that she's right but nobody believes her! So where are we now... ah yes....

Maria up against the airbag of the car...Maybe now she'll back off and take better care of herself. Even if she's on the money about Tony killing Liam, she can't prove it and the stress is not good for her or the baby. Does she forget what happened the first time she was pregnant? I'd say she was an at risk patient after that. Tony pulled a rabbit out of the hat and produced Jed for all to see. Alive and kicking. If he didn't kill Jed, did he kill Liam? That's what's going through Maria's head but ... Carla's suspicions are now piqued and she can smell the vapour of truth now that she's seen Jed's neck scars and went to Maria for more info. Tony seems a bit suspicious of Carla's reticence.

Rosie and that clipboard have to go. Sophie's got a crush!!

Julie is the daughter of a school friend of Eileen's. The friend must have had a teenage pregnancy then, because Julie must be 30 if she's a day and Eileen is only in her mid 40s. Janice wants to be a nurse. I'm not quite sure she's up to that though i do applaud her wanting to do something more with her life and gain some skills. I think she's got a bit of an unrealistic view of how much work it's going to take.

David put two and two together and stitched up Gary because he's jealous of Gary's attentions to Tina. And you know what? Ok, that was the wrong thing to do but Tina certainly isn't helping the whole situation, inviting Gary in, giving him coffees and smiles in the pub. She knows how jealous David can be, why is she dangling the red rag in front of the bull? Gary pushed and pushed David until he exploded and Gary took the opportunity to make mincemeat out of David's face. David might have pulled the first punch but Gary went way beyond defending himself and Gary *did* steal the pipe in the first place and he did bait David all day. David is bent on revenge, and bent on stitching Gary up for the assault and is dragging Tina into it. Tina is basically an honest kid, though. Will she put up with more of David's schemes? Problem is, Gary has thug Len on his side and he's more than just a little intimidating.

Norris is still winning competitions and now has won a motor home with Mary! Sounds like a dream come true for her, on the road in close quarters with Norris because you can clearly see she fancies the pants off him. Living with her mother all these years has clearly driven her round the bend. Norris seems to suspect Mary does fancy him and questioned Liz about age differences but he doesn't seem to be that keen, does he? Rita is still knocking about with Eileen's dad and Norris is huffy about that too.

Oh dear. Ken seems to have found a new soul mate, and at his age!! And you know? She's just as insufferable as he is! Ken being Ken, didn't correct her when she assumed his wife was dead when he said Peter's mother was passed away. You do notice that Ken's accent gets a lot posher around Martha don't you? And his head is so far up his... er... in the clouds over her that he didn't even remember who Peter was when Leanne asked after him!

Thursday 19 November 2009

DVD Review: Coronation Street Out of Africa

Several years ago we saw the back of Cilla Battersby Brown when she ran off to Las Vegas. Earlier this fall, in Canadian Corrie timeline, we saw Fiz, Chesney and Kirk go to South Africa where Cilla was living. We didn't know how Cilla got from Vegas to Sun City and we didn't find out what happened to everyone during their sojourn there. That's because ITV released a spinoff dvd all about their adventures in South Africa as a sort of stand alone episode. It's called Coronation Street Out of Africa. The storyline was unrelated to the day to day goings on in Weatherfield.

The dvd was released in the UK last October but only in the UK. You couldn't play it in a dvd player in North America unless you have a machine that will play Region 2 disks because the format for North America is different (Region 1). Now, however, E1 Entertainment has converted the Out of Africa adventure and released it in North America format and it's available now at Amazon, and all the usual dvd retailers where it may be a bit cheaper. Walmart, Costco and Future Shop generally are and you don't have to pay the shipping there. It's already in my library because i have the UK version but the NA version is the same, with the "Making of" documentary and interviews with the cast. I love those behind-the-scenes things!

I know Cilla isn't to everyone's taste but i really liked the character, that is... liked to hate her. She was horrible, wasn't she? She hasn't changed, I'll tell you that much. The story is fun and typically Cilla. The scenery is fab and some of the secondary characters are real scene stealers. I already wrote up a storyline summary because I didn't think most people here would ever get to see the adventure, but if you want to get the dvd, that will spoil it for you so don't look!

The dvd is out just in time for Christmas and i know i sound like i'm trying to push it but i'm just pleased there's a company that is putting great Coronation Street in the hands of Canadian and American fans finally! In the UK, this fall, there's another spinoff called Romanian Holiday and it features Roy, Hayley and Becky. Let's hope E1 will pick that up next year! You can't go wrong with the Croppers!

Classic Corrie for Canadians (and Americans)

A few years ago, three 10-disk boxed sets of Classic Coronation Street episodes were released in the UK. Each set covered a decade, the 60s, 70s and 80s and each set had 10 dvds, one per year, with 8 episodes on each disk. That's 240 episodes of Classic Corrie, in case you were doing the math. If you live in North America, you need a dvd player that works with Region 2 disks in order to see them. Luckily, I have one of those (you can get them but you can also "hack" them by entering a code on the remote that unlocks the machine to play any region. But i digress...) As I said, I have one of those players so I bought all three dvd sets.

Now, the folks at E1 Entertainment, a Canadian dvd distributor, have started to release some of these old episodes in North American format (Region 1)! What they've done is picked "best of" or perhaps their favourite episodes from these Classic moments to produce volumes of dvds that we here in Canada and the U.S. can play. They have three volumes so far, ranging from 1960 to 1966. Each volume has 2 disks and 8 episodes. I happened to get my hands on volume 3, the newest release that covers 1963 to 1966 and initially I thought only one of the episodes was the same as what was on the larger UK boxed set and was quite excited that these were new episodes. Oops, I guess I haven't watched my dvds in awhile. Upon checking with the episode summaries on the boxed set, I now realize that the episodes on the E1 volume are indeed taken from the original boxed set. This is after I ran out and bought volumes 1 and 2!

That's ok, though. Christmas is coming and I have some Corrie fans on my list.

The dvds have a little brief summary of each year before the episodes from that year, just to give you an idea of what's going on in Weatherfield. The episodes are digitally remastered so they are in pretty good shape as far as visuals and audio are concerned. Volume 3 contains episodes that see Emily Nugent (later Bishop) jilt the older Leonard Swindley, Dennis Tanner rescue Sheila Birtles from possible suicide, Val Barlow giving birth to twins Peter and Susan, Elsie and Ena rowing in the street, a day trip out to the Blue John mines, Ena getting arrested for shoplifting two tins of salmon, the aftermath of the collapse of Number 7 and the discovery of an unexploded bomb in Albert Tatlock's back yard.

For anyone that loves Corrie, this will give you a little taste of it's early days, with the legendary characters you've heard about. Volume 1 starts with the very first episodes and Volume 2 covers 1961 to early 1963. has Volume 3 for $17.49 at the moment. They say the actual price is $29.99 but I have seen the dvds in WalMart and Future Shop for about $21.99 or thereabouts. You may also find them in Costco at a good price, or at other shops that sell dvds. Keep an eye out, I expect they will continue to work their way through the 1960s and hopefully, through the rest of the 1970s and 80s, too!

Sunday 25 October 2009

Sunday Comments, October 25

Lines of the week:

  • Lloyd "Is it hot in here or is it me?" (Surrounded by DD cups, i wouldn't wonder he's a bit warm!)
  • Pam to Darryl "There's no shame in cross dressing these days!"
  • Eileen about Liz "She's like Madonna and her girls before a show!"
  • Molly to Tyrone "It's not about me punishing yer!" (yes it is!)
  • Jack about Ty's shirt "I've seen more subtle shirts on Nelson Mandela!"
  • Molly "Multiple choice. A. Get rid of her! B. Get rid of her or C. Get rid of her!" Tyrone "Is that a dig?"
  • Blanche to Jackie "At least Deirdre looks like Deirdre, not Dracula's daughter!"
  • Becky to Steve "Darlin the world is littered with lads like you, full of promises and when it comes to it? Cowards!"
  • Liz to Steve "The ruins of your three marraiges are owned by the National Trust" and "I know what I'm doing... i'm going to have that on your tombstone because if anyone doesn't know what they're doing, it's YOU!"

They kissed! They scored!!! But could Liz have worn a lower cut dress to that party????? I do like Liz and Lloyd together but Steve is going to go spare when he finds out! They agreed it was a one off but you could tell it wouldn't be the end of it. So now it's all a big secret with them running up the back stairs all the time. Meanwhile Vernon is sending anniversary cards, talk about not letting go! They keep stealing away for sessions and now, Steve is sitting in the room and Liz is hiding behind a chair. Can discovery be far away? I think not. He could smell his mother's "cheap sickly" perfume and he recognized it! it was funny though, he recited the whole argument that his mother used on him earlier. The reveal is going to be Monday, mark my words.

A bit surprised Steve and Lloyd shut down the cab company on the busiest night of the year. I know neither of them wanted to work but even so...And now Michelle is making plans to go to Ireland. She's not actually asked STeve though, she just assumes he'll go. Becky seems to have her eyes opened. She doesn't think Steve will ever have the guts to leave Michelle and it doesn't look like he will, it's true. He just doesn't want to be the bad guy. Michelle is finally getting a clue, though, figuring Steve is going to break up with her but Liz can see right through her son. She suspects he's got another woman no matter how much he protests the opposite. And the way he protests? It's very clear that he's lying, at least to his mother and she got it in one. Becky. That was confirmed when Steve was complaining to Lloyd and she was hiding.

You can tell Molly really wants to get back with Tyrone but wasn't quite ready. I really think she overreacted to the whole situation. She should know how persuasive her Auntie is, it should be Pam she's not speaking to. Let's see....oil...blow torch ... Kaboom! Now that was odd since she'd already warned him that it was volatile and then she goes at the lock with a torch? I'm Not sure Pam and Darryl are as good a double act as Tyrone was but needs must and where did it end up? Feathers flying over the smoking cludgie! Happy New Year! She's ok but the pigeon coop is a write off. Hope the birdies are ok! Now Molly refuses to believe Tyrone had nothing to do with this. You know, with that attitude, maybe it's better that they do break up. It's gone beyond, now.

But just when it looks like Ty is about to put his foot down, look who's back! The bad pink haired penny! Yes, Jackie Dobbs is back. If anything can get Ty and Molly reunited it's going to be them teaming up against the mother-in-law from hell! She's so horrible but wow, i find her a scream. She can really tie them all up in knots can't she? Her implants exploded? Surrrrreeeee. If i was Jack, i'd have left her in the back yard. Well it worked. Molly finally melted and the wedding's back on. And quickly! The hen do is next week and the wedding shortly after! I guess she didn't actually cancel it though she was "breaking up" with Ty. It's still bothering me that she believed Pam before she was willing to believe Tyrone.

Dev is so annoying. I can't stand it. i just can't stand it. He can't use the groceries from his own store because Tara's too good for it? He's that far up his own backside! I suppose cooking a nice meal for New Year's is just as nice as taking her out. Probably nicer since most restaurants are madhouses. Now Amber's sabotaging the flat so Tara has to keep coming for help but it backfired spectacularly and he's been reduced to a gibbering idiot. No change there, then. They made up and he's ticked at Amber. She's turning 18 and Tara is still going to Edinburgh. You know, she sounds just like her mother when she's angry. I hope she does but i have a feeling she won't and we'll be lumbered with this storyline for awhile yet.

Have i said lately that i just love Blanche? Between snipes at Peter and Jackie, she had me laughing all week.

And you know, Tina keeps looking at Gary, answering the door quietly and listens to his bragging that she wants him, she really wants him, doesn't she realize she's fueling the fire or does she actually fancy him like David suspects? Joe might have tried to man handle Gary but i just can't see Joe as a hard man. He looks too cuddly. Certainly not enough to scare Gary.

Peter seems to have fallen off the wagon. He's leaving rambling phone messages and hiding how much he's drinking.

That's it from me for a few weeks. I'll be on my vacation and probably won't get to watch the show some of the time at least.

Sunday 18 October 2009

Sunday Comments, October 18

Lines of the week:
  • David "The world certainly is my oyster!"
  • Tony "I am not a cold blooded murderer....not yet"
  • Tony to Jed "You're just going to have to trust me!" (eek!)
  • Vikki about the Polish booze "It'll put hairs on your dog"
  • Rita to Colin "You're still in the doghouse, but i'm enjoying the barking"
  • Janice "Get on, i'll be fine" Emily (about the patients) "Yes, but will they?"
  • Betty about Liz's party outfit "Two Words! Mutton. Lamb!" (God i love Betty!)
Phew Jed's not dead after all! Oh God did Tony give Carla the same nightly he used to throttle Jed? Ewwwww! Anyway, it looks like Jed realizes he's got to back down and has gone to some new flat that Tony owns on the promise of no more contact. Only problem is nobody knows where he is and he's left his hat behind because Tony didn't see it and had to leave quickly because he didn't know Vikki was in the house when he was clearing out Jed's things! It was like bloody Panto, him running up and down the stairs everytime someone came in the front door. So Jed is off to Wigan. We think. I figure Tony would have killed Jed when he was first coming conscious that morning if he was going to do him in so Jed's probably ok but now he's disappeared and Emily is worried. Though Norris couldn't care less. Norris got rid of Jed from under his territorial feet and now he's got Jed's cat!

Maria's really freaking out. It started in the cemetery when she found Carla and Tony's flowers. A bit tasteless especially since it was probably Tony's idea even though he blamed Carla and then he snapped and made some very definite veiled threats. I can't blame her for freaking out really. She even managed to outline some of the MURDERER letters in a darker colour so they'd stand out! Can you believe Norris was the one that called the cops? It's not his business that got defaced! I guess the alarm was shut off by the company at Tony's over-the-phone authorization. Then Becky is there watching the whole thing like a Greek chorus and correcting the spelling mistake. Maria tosses the rest of the red paint over Tony's car and gets herself arrested. Tony is an expert at making people believe what he wants and they're all tea and sympathy for the poor bereaved pregnant widow when he's done with them.

It's never Christmas unless there's a disaster at the Platt's and this one was a doozy! The Windasses crash the party. Add booze to the mix, toss in the Websters, garnish with Gary flirting with Tina and serve with a very nicked off Joe and David and the inevitable happens. David rolls around with Gary, Rosie and Tina are pulling hair, Joe starts throwing food and throws all the guests out and then storms out himself. He does come back, tail between his legs but i wonder if Gail will always have that bit of mistrust for him. Nah, this is the Blinder Queen!

Does nobody sit together and open presents anymore? They seem to be all handing them over here and there willy nilly. Seems Hayley is still out of sorts, or so it seems. Glad Becky made a point of telling her what she really had to be thankful for in Roy. Amber is playing cupid and has got Tara and Dev back together. Groan. I don't like that spoiled cow any more than i did her mother. She might say she wants to move away but he'll smooth talk her out of it eventually, you just know it. Mind you, it *was* funny seeing Dev playing Guitar Hero in the flat, complete with fashion accessories!

Steve managed to get some alone time with Becky and even decorated the taxi office for her. Awww!! But he had to lie again to Michelle. He's very good at it even when he nearly gets caught in one lie. There's always another one around the corner. Problem is there are more and more lies and he's going to mess up at some point.

I don't understand. Emily's house is much like the other houses. I think they only have two bedrooms upstairs yet Jed has a bed presumably in a room and Norris has his own room. I distinctly remember her offering Jed the front sitting room on a temporary basis. I hate when these houses turn into little magic places with expandable numbers of rooms. Anyway Emily's Polish Christmas was fun. Vikki got kale-eyed and Mary was analysing the contents of the booze. Norris was his usual snotty self.

Joe seems to be spending more money than he has. That's going to come back to bite him and Tina knows it. Janice seems to have made a new friend.

That had to be the least sweat inducing and "ENERGY" salsa dance class i've ever seen! But Lloyd seems to be catching the interest of both Poppy and Liz, i wonder if there's going to be a smackdown between them over the Blues Brother! In the meantime, he thought a date with the blonde bimbo would be a good thing but she bored him senseless! I kind if think Lloyd and Liz make a good couple. She talks about "maybe if i were 10 years younger" but let's do the (approximate) math. Liz was 16 or 17 having Steve and Andy. She had her 50th not that long ago so she might be 51 now. Lloyd is older than Steve, he could be over 40 though probalby not a lot older. He might be 10 years younger than her but could also be a couple less. It's not really that much of a stretch. When Gail went with Martin,he was barely in his 20s, but Lloyd is almost double that. It's the old double standard isn't it? Nobody blinks when the man is the older. Ken and Deirdre, Mike and most of his women, Roy and Hayley, Peter and Leanne, etc.

Sunday 11 October 2009

Sunday Comments, October 11

Lines of the week:
  • Rosie to Carla "You're gonna sack me" Carla "Oh no. But i'm going to make your life a misery"
  • Mary to Norris "When people are attracted to one another, age is irrelevant" (I wonder who she's talking about! ;)
  • Ken to Peter "You're poison! You wreck everything in your life! Get away!"
  • Ken to Peter about Simon "It seems to me you need him just as much"
  • Norris about Mary "If she sees me as anything, she sees me as a Renaissance Man" (Good old Nozzer!)

Peter apologizes for getting drunk, with a drink. He uses Simon to blackmail Leanne who's got a soft spot for the little boy. But he's definitely developing a drink problem and she's right to be wary. He made an utter twit of himself at the school play. Love Blanche, she shouts at the onlookers, defending her family and she's heartbroken at the prospect of Peter's behaviour and how it will affect Simon, but she's the first one to insult Peter for his drinking. I don't know. If i was in Leanne's shoes i'd be dropping Peter like a hot potato after his drunken performance on the street. Gotta say though, that must have been one long shave and shower for Leanne to have time to go in a cab and return with a bear! Peter's poured his booze down the sink. Wonder how long that will last.

Rosie is going to be a tabloid queen. No surprise there, is there? And she looked pathetic chatting up Gary at the bar, even more than usual. She celebrated her birthday with champagne and Gary! Still, Sophie is always one to cut her sister down. Rosie's blathering on about giving her expenses to the reporter and Sophie pipes up "Oh the one you gave your bus tickets to?" Talk about having no taste in men at all! Gary Windass? Well, at least he's about her age!

I laughed at Steve, Lloyd and Eileen with the pie wars! lol and it ended up in a weight loss competition between the men. Thing is, in the UK timeline, the actor that plays Lloyd does seem to have lost quite a bit of weight. I think Liz and Lloyd would make a good couple. I can well imagine his first full on exercise class would nearly do him in! I don't think Steve would have even survived it!

I utterly fail to believe that Amy Barlow could have landed a part in the play. She never speaks!!! Carla's coming over all cheery, must be the Christmas season. She's letting them have a party, usually they have to convince the bosses to let them. And it looks like they're getting their lottery money! Ray! Now Vikki could afford to go home but i suppose it's a bit last minute.

Carla certainly put Rosie in her place. Quite firmly. It's too bad she can't sack her, due to the fact that it would raise too many questions. Meanwhile Maria is spiralling into madness. Not just what everyone thinks, either, she's obsessed and frantic and out for revenge. This kind of behaviour isn't good for her or the baby and she could end up in a straight jacket if she's not careful. There is more than one way to depilate a feline. She should be biding her time, gathering what evidence she can, calmly. Hysteria doesn't look good in court. Kudos to Carla for telling Maria and Michelle (some of) the truth. Even Audrey doesn't believe her and that's a bit out of character after what she went through at the hands and mind-games of Richard Hillman.

Jed seems to be intent on persuing Tony with Maria's help, and hooking up with Mary, probably that just to wind up Norris. I hope that when the truth comes out, and it will because murderers can't get away with it, that the police inspector has the grace to apologize for not believing Maria. I know there's no provable case but the police could be digging a bit deeper. Jed is blackmailing Tony and he's intent on getting compensation for his house. He isn't scared of Tony but i think he should be. He's got most of his courage out of a bottle. What i can't figure out, though, is this.. Tony asked Carla if she'd want to go to a film. Yet there he was down the ginnel paying off Jed! And then,... and THEN, Jed couldn't leave well enough alone and Tony throttled him in the factory with one of Carla's nightgowns and stuffed him in a big chest. He almost got caught by the factory party guests. Imagine it! The booze is sat on top of the chest that contains a dead(?) body. Tony is wearing Jed's Santa hat. I think this is the first time they've ever had the factory Christmas party at night though, usually it's in the afternoon. Now Tony has a body to get rid of....

I like Mary more and more. What a great character! I see Emily is still bringing Norris' packages to the Kabin rather than let him get them when he comes home. His newest food hamper is all Polish delicacies! Now Norris has shot himself in the foot and has to forswear his turkey for Polish ham.

Steve might be laying off the bad boyfriend game but he's still the same old Steve. Meanwhile Poppy has a job behind the bar and has been given rank over Michelle. That's pretty low, really. Liz didn't even ask her if she wanted the Assistant job.

Colin is most definitely full of horse hockey. He's worming his way into Rita's affections because you know darn well Eileen would never wear the same sort of perfume that Rita would. There's Joe evicted out of his flat. Business must be really bad! Joe's not wanting to tell Gail because he doesn't want to impose. It's an ego thing as much as anything. Even though Joe and Kevin had a chat, Joe really hasn't made any mates on the Street yet.

Sunday 4 October 2009

Sunday comments, October 4

Lines of the week:
  • Tom to Maria "You can convince yourself of anything if you try hard enough"
  • Pam about her "debtors" "Them as did for Billy three fingers. I'd be in for a similar fate if i didn't stump up. No pun intended." (snork)
  • Maria "I am here you know!"
  • Rita to Colin "You old reprobate!"
  • Colin to Eileen "I've brought you some flowers!" Eileen "that makes up for 45 years of disinterest!"
  • Jesse about his wayward wife "She seemed to suddenly know everything about rats!"
  • Liz "Do it for Amy" (the robot child)
  • Tony to Carla "Everyone knows about you and Liam!" (but not as much as there actually was!)

Yep, Tyrone is officially in the doghouse. Molly thinks he's been cheating and from her point of view it does look that way. Pam, though i like her, is selfish isn't she? She should have come clean straight away when she found out what Molly thought instead of lying and saying Tyrone was helping her pay off her own debts. She's allowed to be angry but i think she went a bit over the top in leaving him. And the ever-selfish and greedy Auntie Pam finds out about recycled oil and can't let it go.

Now we have Eileen's father, Colin, and there seems to be a lot of unsettled history there too. IT's very clear though, that he's more interested in the ladies than he is in his family. Not a reliable sort, i'd guess. Did you see how he picked up Tyrone's discarded flowers and presented them to Rita as his own and then pretended he'd recognized her and knew her from the old days? Rita saw straight through him. Now, he said his last name was Postlethwaite but Eileen's is Grimshaw and she has never been married. You don't suppose Eileen's parents weren't married? Then he gave the rejected flowers to Eileen! Definitely a scallywag.

Steve is continuing his campaign to tick off Michelle enough that she'll dump him. The problem with that is that it often has a backfire effect. Didn't you love Jesse the General Custard? Superb stuff! He's an excellent actor, i've seen him in other stuff. Marvellous comic delivery. And do i detect a spark between him and Eileen?

Poor Gail, she finally got used to Jerry and his lot and got them trained to keep the music down to a dull roar when she's got to start all over again with the Windasses. Eddie is going to drive a cab. He's the kind of driver that gives cabbies a bad name. Peter is drinking an awful lot and a drunken Peter isn't really the sort of pressie i'd like to find under my decorated tree!

Liz's new friend from exercise class is a barmaid. Ergo, she will land a job behind the Rovers' bar. Why is it that there's always one family that puts up a Vegas-load of Christmas lights and music? The Battersbys did it, the Malletts had Santa's Nookie Nest and even Derek Wilton blew every fuse in the street with his display. How did Gail and Joe not hear or see Eddie on the ladder in front of their living room window putting up lights?

Maria is on a quest to prove that Tony's guilty. Thing is, when you look at the mounting circumstantial evidence, you could see that even if you didn't think Maria was making it up. It's too bad not one person humours her and thinks a little harder about it all. Tony has his tracks covered pretty well and it doesn't matter that people like Jed or Kevin might believe the worst of him, because he only has to say they have a grudge. Rosie didn't manage the office all that well when Maria came trying to take all the files. "Mum!!!!" You can always tell when someone's losing their marbles, they dress in their rattiest clothes or even go out in their jim jams and their hair is a mess.

So Tony and Carla are back and Tony got the heads up from Maria's frantic messages. Why is Tony always plying Carla with sleeping pills? How would Maria figure Tony would get all her messages if she's leaving them on the home phone rather than a mobile number? Well Tony is going to have some major damage control and oooh he locked the door and it looked like he's going to strangle her!! Saved by Fiz, though, and now it makes Maria look even more off the wall. God it was like something out of a panto, sort of like Richard Hillman heading towards Emily with the cushion. Tony told Carla what Maria was saying, better from him than for her to hear it on the Street, The best defence is a good offence and all that. Tony even talked the police around but it wasn't very difficult. Maria is the picture of a nervous breakdown and she's going to have one if she keeps up. Don't worry, murderers never get away with it, eventually.

Tony nearly gave Carla a heart attack when he said everyone knew about her and Liam but it turns out all they know is the earlier one night stand, not the final full blown affair. She managed not to let the cat out of the bag at least. Otherwise that belt might have got used after all. Carla had a few doubts. She knows Tony is ruthless but he reckons business is business but murder is a whole different animal. She's going to believe him. At least for now. He's very convincing. When you want him to be.

Sunday 27 September 2009

Sunday Comments, September 27

Lines of the week:
  • Michelle to Maria about the video "You need to get that out of your mind" (Yes, but how could you ever?)
  • Minnie "Dipstick? That's what me dad calls me" (not surprised)

  • Pat about Tony "If he thought that anything was going on between Liam and Carla he wouldn't have gone up the aisle unless he'd killed him first." (uh oh. Conspiracy theories anyone?)
  • Teresa to Gail "And if i were you, i'd go for a face, head and body transplant"
  • Kevin to Tyrone "Molly's puttin two and two together and getting 500"
  • Darryl to David about the Windasses "So they're not your favourite people at the moment"
  • Janice about Emily "When she goes through them elevator doors, the mist comes down!"
  • Maria about Carla "The woman that stood at my wedding wearing black feathers in her hair like a flamin vulture!"

  • Jed to Norris "Emily threw me a lifeline as i imagine she threw you one too, not so long ago" (truth hurts, doesn't it Norris?)

Rosie? Get the flamin phone yourself! Poor Maria, though, her worst nightmare comes true. She always knew there was attraction between Carla and Liam and she always feared she'd lose him to her and now it's all true. Yes, all she has is a kiss on a screen, but she's 100% sure it was more and of course, it was. It doesn't matter however much Tom or Michelle reassure her, she grabs any little thing and runs with it and she's determined to find out. She eventually came to Leanne but it's a good thing she's a Battersby and a consummate liar.

So. Maria knows about the affair. She knows that Tony knew before he married Carla. She knows that Tony and his brother didn't fall out with each other, making his choice of Liam as best man now suspect. And Liam died on Tony's stag night. How many two-plus-twos does she need to come up with four? Thing is Liam did love Maria. He just ended up loving Carla more. It does all make sense to her, the hours he'd be gone, the love/hate thing and the realization that the car seemed to aim straight for Liam. Michelle and everyone else thinks she's got the wrong end of the stick, crazed by grief and having a nervous breakdown. We know she's right but can she prove it?

Jerry is renting out the house?? That's pretty low, renting it out from under Darryl. Leave it to Teresa who wanted to hang on to her safe little home so badly that she chained herself to the kitchen cupboards and look who the new neighbours are! The Windass clan! I wonder if they knew the Platts and Joe were going to be their neighbours. And doesn't Jerry or the letting agent do any reference checking? I suppose that would have been all a scam too, though. And the latest ratty and low class chavvy family arrives on the Street in a clapped out vehicle containing all their worldly goods, with a backfire as they come around the corner. Now where have we seen that before? /sarcasm. The writers have No imagination. That mother of the clan doesn't seem too bad but i don't know yet. She seems to be on the sensible side, trying to keep the peace but Gail is always such a sucker isn't she? Dev played right into Amber's plan to get Darryl living under her roof and i guess Teresa is ogone for parts unknown.

So these Windasses. Yes. or rather. No thanks. Anna seems somewhat ok but that Eddie is about as shiftless as they ever get. Gary is a brute and the Uncle is a bad'un and do we really need this? I think not. And trust me, they don't get much better, as of current UK timelines though Anna isn't so bad.

Hmmm. Tyrone squirted himself with perfume, the same stuff he sold to Minnie and since Molly doesn't know anything about it, she now thinks he's having an affair with Minnie! But Kevin knows what Tyrone is up to now. He won't tattle though. Men don't tell on each other (and neither do girls). Tyrone is pretty much shooting himself in the foot, and Molly called his bluff by coming to see the club with him. Now he's going to have to go and she's getting more and more suspicious by the hour. His dealings with Minnie Mouse are going to land him in the doo-doo. Why oh Why, on soaps, does EVERYONE lie or keep secrets when they don't need to, not really!

Steve thinks it's kinder if Michelle does the breaking up. Might be kinder to him but it won't really make any difference to her and you know STeve never does things that work out. She'll end up finding out that he's been seeing Steve and manipulating her and she'll flamin' kill him and Liz will help!

And isn't doing tea in a hospital a bit of an odd Community Service job? not exactly hard work. But look! It's Janice! But if she thinks Emily is going to give her an easy go of it because she's a neighbour, she's got another think coming. And Janice found out the hard way from the sounds of it. Jed seems to be the bane of Norris' life and he doesn't seem to have changed much from the cheeky fellow from the 60s out for a dodgey deal, even if it's just cheating at Snakes and Ladders.

Sunday 20 September 2009

Sunday Comments, September 20

Lines of the week:
  • Graeme "A-pork-alyps now!"
  • Lloyd to Steve "Before you dump a bird, be sure you know your lines"
  • Norris to Rita "I hope you're not suggesting Sir Cliff would sing anything unseemly!"
  • Becky to Steve "You say what you think people want to hear" (got it in one!)
  • Blanche "Amy's father is living with Carla's ex-sister-in-law. We're practically family!"
  • Blanche "You've a mean streak in you Deirdre Barlow, I don't know where you get it from!"
  • Joe "You've got to speculate to accumulate" (that's the slippery slope, mate!)
  • Norris "What's that song?" Tina "Don't You Wish Your Girlfriend was Hot Like Me" Norris "Hardly appropriate" Tina "You're telling me!"
Yeesh, Michelle getting all soft and soppy only makes Steve feel more guilty. And just when Steve is getting all soft and soppy about Becky, Jason is stepping up his campaign to get Becky back which is making Steve damn jealous. Steve loves Becky but does Becky love Steve or does she love him because he loves her? I mean really? But you know damn well he's too spineless to actually break it off with Michelle. Every time he tries, she lays another sob story on him. So what is he going to do? Make Michelle hate him and break off with him instead of him being the bad guy. Meanwhile, Becky feels like she's being used and jerked around. Can't blame her.

Carla's back at work too and trying to smooth over some ruffled feathers. Carla and Tony are getting hitched. Sally seemed a bit thoughtful but you know she's thinking of the damning video. Can't blame her for wanting a new wedding outfit, though. The last one probably still has Liam's fingerprints all over it ;) No second stag and hen night though. That's a little too close to the knuckle. Tony's brother showed up too and it doesn't sound like they've ever fallen out but Tony didn't seem so pleased when Pat's back was turned.

So. Carla and Tony finally tied the knot. Unusual wedding dress after having a white one first time around but in real life, the actress was pregnant and there needed to be some bump-disguising. The reception was interesting, too! Sally was in snob heaven but Kevin was surly. I don't know why he even bothered going and i don't know why Sally would even want him there, appearances or not. Good thing Carla made up with Leanne so she could have a friend to stand up for her! Ah but then it all came apart. Kevin caused Sal to spill something on Carla's dress and Carla castigated Sally for her low class family. Kind of unfair really, because it was an accident. That pissed off Sally because she was embarassed and she drank too much and spilled the beans to Maria, showing her the damning video. Now let's see. Rosie saved it on her work computer, then Sally transferred it to their home laptop. Rosie must have re-loaded it on a new phone. Because.... why?

No wonder Maria is freaked out about a scan, considering the last time she found out her baby was dead at a scan. Why wouldn't the hospital have her file flagged for her former problems? You'd think any technicial would have been made aware either by the files or by Maria's doctor. Thankfully, all is well this time. But now she's found out that Tony and his brother never did fall out and she's wondering why Tony said he did, especially after finding out that Carla and Liam had an affair and Tony knew about it.

Gail has no kitchen. Graeme has a little camping stove. Graeme also has chain mail gloves to protect him and a damn good Michael Jackson impression (in the betting shop). That is one star character, i absolutely love him and his quirky ways! Hayley can't work with children. Why can't she just volunteer with adult charities? Why give up? And if most charities that work with kids would require a criminal check, why didn't the African one not check? She was helping to build a school... surely that involves children at some point.

Dev is walking around with bandages all over his fingers! And how do you cut your head? Don't ask, i guess. So Darryl is back and Dev hired Minnie as well and he persuaded Tina to come back part time. This co-competitor, Mary, seems to be making cow eyes at Norris already. Bunny boiler or kindred spirit? She's pretty quirky too from the look of it. Did you catch that bit about Tony ransoming his brother's action figure when they were kids and Sean asking if he's sent little plastic ears in the post? I figure that was a throwback to the gnomenapping when Derek received one of Arthur's ears in the post!

Jed Stone didn't waste any time giving Tony attitude and wanting more compensation from him. Jed was always about money making schemes but he does have a point. Tony didn't pay him more than a pittance for his house. Norris's ears were twigging when he overheard that first little conversation.

Ken's attitude towards Peter is really annoying me. I think Peter is right, Ken always expects the worst from Peter and every little mistake gets thrown back at him. No wonder Peter ends up making more mistakes.

Hooted at Graeme reenacting Apocalpse now with pork chops and alarming Norris to no end. Wonderful stuff when Steve asked Graeme for another favour and he walloped Steve but he did give Steve a good idea. Unfortunately it backfired. You know, Becky and Steve are kind of cute together. You'd never see Michelle bopping around the bar to the jukebox would you? Becky's hot pink bra hanging out of her tops always cracks me up.

Sunday 13 September 2009

Sunday Comments, September 13

Lines of the week:
  • Roy "You love me so much, Hayley, you want to leave me"
  • Hayley "I thought i was working for a school, not a harem"
  • Carla to Tony "Did no one ever tell you that confession is good for the soul?"..."Why, whatever crimes are you hiding?" (you don't really want to know)
  • Michelle "I know I"m asking a lot" (you sure are!)
  • Len Windass "We are silent, we are deadly and we are tidy"
  • Steve "Who's in charge here?" Liz "You are, now go fetch the pies"
  • Becky to Steve in a hotel room "I don't usually do this sober"
  • Steve "I have my own mind you know!" (and everyone tells you how to use it)

Who would have thought Roy would be so dramatic, describing their empty house as a shell, etc. A ha! So we find out that the reason Hayley wanted to go back was because of a crush on this Olaf guy who seems to be flirting with everyone, but not her though she thought she felt a spiritual connection. Then she got upset because her mate Tilly hit the nail spot on. Even Becky tore a strip off her and called her selfish. After all that volunteering? But yes, in a way, she was being selfish because really, although doing good was part of the motive, it was more about her than the charity work. Roy, the most unselfish man on the planet, was willing to give her up if that's what she really wanted. He described his imaginary day as the brightest ever, once he knew she was going to stay! Then completely understanding, or at least giving the impression he was, after she confessed her crush. Doesn't that man just break your heart sometimes?

Julie certainly got prickly and defensive when Hayley came back into the factory and heaved a sigh when Hayley didn't want her job back. Poor Hayley really is all at sixes and sevens. Now she doesn't know what she wants to do, but she needs something fulfilling. Charities? She worked with one before. That's when she brought Becky back.

Wow, that didn't take long. First Tara finds out that her ex boyfriend shagged her mother and then an angry Amber spilled the beans about Dev and Nina! I don't think Dev deserved Tara as his road to happiness anyway, not after his affair with her mother. She certainly didn't deserve him! I can't blame Dev for being angry with Amber, after all, and it's probably just as well she's going to Finland. They can both use the break. You know, if it wasn't so ludicrous, i would have found Dev's attempt to make kebabs and milkshakes funny. But it was utterly ridiculous. Nobody sticks their face right in a blender nor does anyone stick a knife in it when it's still plugged in!! Dev would have made blender cocktails at least to know that much.

Norris is in a passion, now, to unearth who this Mary Taylor is, the woman that keeps beating him out. In the meantime, Norris wasn't too happy to have to share Emily again (with Jed), as usual. He's met Mary now and he actually seems to fancy her! Wasn't he pleased with himself, too! Why would Fiz bring a belt back to Maria from her hols when Maria has an ever expanding waist?

I'm already hating the Windasses. At least that maniacal red head and his uncle. Tit for Tat, they cleaned out the Platt kitchen in retaliation. Dev can be very patronizing, don't you think? He was that to Amber when she came in angry that he bought the kebab shop and he was basically showing off for Tara.

Oh crap, Michelle's parents are coming and Michelle's organizing an anniversary party for the day of the court case! That's going to be a bit tricky, then. I wonder if Michelle is going to invite her son Alex to his grandparents' anniversary? Thought not. Seems like that story has been dropped like a bad smell. Michelle is always pushing Steve around, have you noticed? He's starting to, though he might not if he didn't have somewhere else to be. And if she's got him doing all the party planning, what is she contributing? Didn't help that Daddy Connor got all cozy and family-ish with Steve, with Becky staring daggers, compounding the guilt. What to do? Lie in court and help a mate? keep the girlfriend happy and not risk getting banged up for perjury? What's a boy to do? And i wonder what was the straw that broke the camel's back? The endless lists and orders to be chief, cook, bottle washer and bouncer at the party? Roy telling Steve that Becky was terrified? Talk about desperate measures to get away though, getting Graeme to punch him!

Anyway, Steve did the "right" thing (I use that loosely) and Becky got off, much to Hooch's chagrin. Now, by rights, Becky should have been found guilty because she was guilty of most of the stuff they charged her with though not the assault which would have been the main jailing offence i think. However, Steve's now saying he really has a thing for her. Where the heck did that come from???? Especially when he said he actually meant it? Did you see that coming? I didn't. Mind you, Steve always had an attraction for women who were edgy and loose cannon-ish. Becky and Karen would be an even fight i think. Now there's a fly in the ointment, because Blanche witnessed the whole thing. Free drinks for all!

Carla's back and she actually seemed happy to see Tony! I think the big bank withdrawal probably spurred her on to return but she accepted his explanation. I suppose she figures she hasn't got any future with Liam so she might as well have Tony. She does love him just not as much as she loved Liam.

Maybe Ashley didn't take Kirk back on because he was a crap butcher but he did promise him he would when things got better. All this wandering around by that reporting, someone's going to take her up on it, you just know it.

Fiz is back. If you missed it, here's what actually happened in South Africa. I'll tell you what, though, Steve enticing Graeme to punch him was brilliant!

Sunday 6 September 2009

Sunday Comments, September 6

Lines of the week:
  • Joe "Why can't all four of us be happy?"
  • Prem to Dev "You love no-one but yourself" (too true!)
  • Tara about her mum and ex "He had the nerve to say she seduced him!" and "things like that don't happen in perfect families like mine" (ummmmmm)
  • Pam about the underpants' quality "Never mind a lunch box you could have a flamin' Harrod's Hamper in there!"
  • Roy about being put on hold again "I have to listen to Vivaldi's Four Seasons again! It's always 'Spring'! No sense of progress. I suppose that's appropriate, really"
  • Anna Windass "My kitchen! What the flamin 'ell!" (er yes, that's about it).
  • Gail "I do NOT want to look like an Emu" David "That's EMO!" (I liked her coat!!)
Joe's talk to David... sounded like he was talking to a 12 year old but then that's how David is acting. He treated his daughter a lot more like a grown up. Now that the secret's out, will the relationship last? Half the attraction could have been the secrecy! David had the chance to hold it over Gail when she said she'd give up Joe for him and he wisely and maturely backed down and it seems everyone has got their heads around the situation now. Now he can focus on this Windass family who don't want to pay for their new fitted kitchen. I smell the distinct whiff of a scamm there. They don't even look like they could afford a 7,000 pound kitchen do they and Joe could be close to bankrupt because of it.

David has only make things worse by threatening the Windasses who appear to be real threats, if Graeme is to be believed. So David apparently got some cash and a cheque except they signed it "Santa Claus" and David didn't eve check the cheque before he ran away. And David did make things worse because the Windasses (what's that name about anyway?) stole his tools. His uninsured tools. I'm starting to smell another loser in Gail's bed, are you? Please tell me we aren't going to have some new gobby yobbos in the show? (sorry, i'd lose my bet, guess what? We haven't seen the last of them!) Anyway, things are spiralling out of control with the three teens laying waste to the kitchen and Graeme getting to burn it in the back garden. They obviously don't have nosy neighbours. All the racket they must have made hauling the kitchen apart and then the fire and nobody called out a window even. This is getting tedious already.

Wait... David *likes* Joe and is glad to see his mother *happy*? Who are you and what have you done with David Platt! Pam is flogging men's knickers now. Somehow i just know Tyrone's going to get his in a bunch and it's all going to go pear shaped. Oh dear, it's going to go downhill from here. I'm a bit annoyed with Ashley, i really am. Last year he laid off Kirk because there was no work and promised to rehire him if things picked up. So there's a very unprofessionally hand written sign in the window advertising for help in the butcher shop. Not a word to Kirk, who's already trained, and he hires Graeme????

Steve is telling more lies to Michelle to get to solicitor appointments. Meanwhile, Jason is on a campaign to get Becky back, with flowers and everything. Probably because Sarah didn't want him but neither does Becky. Or does she? She seemed to like the flowers. I reckon nobody's ever given her flowers before but she gave them to Hayley anyway. Roy did have flowers. what happened to them?

I thought Harry was the owner of the betting shop yet Dan is acting like it's him? Dan is also trying to divest himself of Kelly and all it took was her trying to borrow a bit of spending money. Did he actually pay for her ticket? I thought she was buying her own so if she did, he better be prepared to refund it. At least he got a few bruises for dumping her so publically. He really is a pig. I've always thought so. Leanne is well out of it. looks like she and Peter might be heading for a romance. He might be a better pairing for her.

Hayley came home but missed a flight first so it was a bit of an anti-climax seeing her walk in instead of seeing a joyous reunion at the airport. (cheaper to film too!) Poor Roy was beside himself waiting for her. HE said he found out that she checked in but didn't get on board the plane. So you'd think she could have texted or called collect from the airport. Did she miss the plane on purpose or did she get lost in the airport? We don't know but now she's back, she doesn't seem to pleased to be there. She actually wants to go back!

They really need to have better security in the factory when anyone can just wander in. Tony is still juggling money though at least another one of the flats is sold. Nothing else is bound to bring Carla back like the idea that Tony's pilfering their joint accounts. And Tony may be in for another surprise. Jed Stone is still in hospital and Emily's found him. Nice little bit of history there but it's surprising that he's lived a few blocks away for 40 years and never got in touch with anyone. He's back on Coronation Street and is going to be putting Norris' nose out of joint and Tony? He isn't going to be best pleased at all! Jed is possibly a key figure to Tony's cover up coming all unraveled!

Hmmm. Dev has gone sucking up to Prem to see if he can talk him round into letting him see his daughter. How many of you were hollering "Slap him again, Prem!!!" Prem doesn't want his baby girl to know her mother is a slapper. What's she going to do when she finds out the man she loves shagged her mother? Because she will, you know, they always do. Meanwhile, Tara found out her ex boyfriend was shagging her mother!!!! I'm not surprised. I got the distinct impression that Nina would and does jump anything with trousers and I think Prem knows, too. Boy Dev sure was squirming though! And there's Nina begging Dev not to tell. Shoe's on the other foot now, isn't it? Tara's now got her stilettoes under Dev's table. Amber isn't so keen.

Dev has also bought the kebab shop to add to his empire. He got a nose at the books because Darryl was mucking things up and probably saw that it was doing better than Darryl realized. He treated Darryl pretty crap though, even allowing him to comb his hair for a business meeting on advertising that he had no intention of paying any attention to. Dev wouldn't buy a losing business. Not only that, if he's selling the business, Jerry thought he might as well rent out the house as well. What's going to happen to Darryl?

Sunday 30 August 2009

Sunday Comments, August 30

Lines of the week:

  • Tony "It's Maria I'm thinking about" (yeah, right).
  • Blanche to Peter "You're too busy pickling your liver and feeling sorry for yourself"
  • Sally about Tony "Nice to know he can be a decent human being sometimes"
  • Sally about Fiz "He wouldn't be the first nutter with a female sidekick" (or the first man that lied to his girlfriend really well)
  • Sean about Janice "She may be a wrong'un but she's our wrong'un"
  • Sean to Kelly "What's that dripping sound? Oh it's my heart bleeding for you!"
  • Blanche "I cannot ignore the pull of blood" (meaning family, but Simon isn't her blood, technically)

Aww nice scene between Rosie and Sophie wasn't it? Can't blame Fiz for wanting to see John one last time. How can she make any sense of it all? I can understand how people would assume Fiz might have known but surely Rosie knows now that Fiz wasn't involved. She knows that John isn't mad, just lost and desperate. Tony wasn't long getting over there to find out if Rosie is going to stay quiet about what she knows about Carla and Liam. Tony chucked the phone for safekeeping but Rosie wanted her Sim card for her numbers. I'm betting that's where the video was stored too!

But Rosie kept a copy on her *work* computer in a folder called Rosie's Insurance. Yes. That's a great hiding place. She should have put it on her computer at home. We know she has one because Sophie uses it all the time. Much safer. So how come nobody has found it in the 5 weeks she's been gone? Surely Carla and Tony have both had cause to user her computer to get to the files for work. Anyway, Now Sally knows and she managed to get a copy before Tony caught her. At least they added the correct sound effect for removing a memory stick. But it seems Tony is pretty thick when it comes to computers. All Sally did was copy the file and then delete the folder. It's still in the Recycle bin! *sigh* I hate plot holes. It's too bad because the rest of the story is actually pretty good, Tony killing Liam and now trying to keep it quiet.

Funny for all Sally's accusing Fiz, when Fiz was taken in the police car, Sally looked doubtful and Rosie is now sure Fiz is innocent so Sally seems to have relented too. Maria and Fiz are now best friends. Do you remember when they hated each other back when Fiz was going after Tyrone? Anyway, She's brave, having to face John. As she says, she's got to make sense of it all. Poor Fiz. She's right, you know, there's no guarantee he actually would have let Rosie go that day. It could have been one thing after another that delayed it. Fiz, you were burned once, now twice. You might love the man but you can't trust him and he's weak and will only drag you down. He's calling her constantly. Can't she block his number or just not answer?

Janice has had to face the music for the lottery scam as well. She got community service and a lot of angry coworkers. Speaking of money scams, Tony is "borrowing" from Underworld to pay the interest on his investments and hasn't got enough to pay his staff now! After all that, everyone is now speaking to Janice. Cash flow problem, bank error, he's talking all over the place. He's actually just robbing Peter to pay Paul and having to pay the staff a sub out of his own money. And what's Carla going to say when she sees the bank activity going on? At least it's got them all talking to Janice again even if they still get their little digs in.

Peter really doesn't want to be a full time father. At least, not until he found out there was an inheritance involved as well. And, oddly enough, the betting shop is for sale. Coincidence? Meantime, Simon has a new friend, Joshua and Peter is nursing hangover after hangover and Blanche isn't helping, nagging and mithering Peter who's silently counting to ten. But he does feel sorry for himself. Blanche and Simon make a lovely double act don't they? Lol she was teaching how to spell really hard words! Then Peter put his foot in it with Maria, thinking she was still pining for him and was rescued by Janice and a very pretty and single Leanne. It's interesting seeing Peter struggle with sudden fatherhood and is ready to run at the drop of a hat.

Ken is hollering at him for wanting to abandon his son. Pot or Kettle? The circle comes around, doesnt' it? Simon doesn't quite know what to make of Peter but he's still a stranger to the lad as are Ken, Deirdre and Blanche. Peter is ready to give up and he's called a social worker!!! Blanche isn't so sure it's not the right thing to do but Ken is determined to keep the child when, as Blanche points out, it's not about him, it's about Peter. Ken is all very up on making decisions for him and Deirdre when she's not there to give her opinion. Ken is telling Peter that he'll scar the child for life, that Simon will need a sense of who he is, and not to turn his back on his son. I kept waiting for Peter to throw it back in Ken's face. Instead. Ken used it himself but it didn't do much good. Even Blanche had a stern word with Peter (i love those two together!) but what changed his mind? Finding out he inherits Lucy's estate if he keeps the child. Money talks. and Ken immediately gets all over Peter's ass, how does he know Peter's spent the whole inheritance on the betting shop? And accusing Peter of not loving his child? Maybe he doesn't, but he doesn't know him and has never bonded with him. What Peter needs is his father's approval and support and he has never gotten it, even now when, even if Ken doesn't approve of his choices he could still bite his tongue and hope for the best. It's not the worst thing he could have done with the inheritance, and at least it's keeping him and the lad together. It's all contrived so that Peter can buy the betting shop but i don't mind. I like Peter and i like the actor!

Pam's schemes have dragged Molly in with the posh meal that she's engineered, pretending to be sampling the food for the wedding. Dan doesn't look too keen to be going on holiday with Kelly does he? Oh god Tara's back to try to lure Dev back. Why on earth is she jealous of him having fun with Eileen? She comes across as very immature and demanding. If Dev is trying to keep Tara away, and he lied in the first place to break off with her, why didn't he just lie and say he did go off her? Because, of course, there would be no storyline if he did that. Now they're back together, lip to lip. Bleurgh.

Tony must have invested a huge amount in the new flats if he's concerned about how many of them have sold. He's acting like he's the owner of the whole development. Hayley's back on Monday! Roy's so thoughtful, isn't he? Fiz hasn't been going in to work since the upset but she planned to go back. Except now she has to run off to South Africa. Why? Check out the storyline summary of the South Africa adventures of Chesney, Kirk, Fiz and Cilla. (Point of continuity, Cilla made the phone call to Fiz in the nighttime yet Fiz took the call in the morning. I don't think there's that much of a time difference between the two places, it's not like it's Australia!)

So Fiz is off to South Africa. To find out what happens, check out the episode summary that appears after this in the blog.

So this is Giles the accountant. He looks like a number cruncher. David's back and he was jealous in seconds! Passed his driving test while in London too. Miracle! David's cellmate from the youth prison has turned up, Graeme and he's only been out of jail 5 minutes and he's nicking cars. David couldn't resist taking Tina for a ride and in the meantime, Joe and Gail think they have the house to themselves. Busted!!! Neither David nor Tina are too happy about their parents snogging! (and more!)

Sun factor 5 sunscreen for Chesney! LOL he's right, he'll dry up and blow away under the South African sun. Gail is certainly a lot calmer these days now she's getting laid! Now how secret is their affair if they're taking Streetcars around town? Liz is Brazilian crunching for her new exercise regime.

Episode Review: Out of Africa

Written by Joe Turner and Mark Wadlow, Directed by Duncan Foster

This took place during the week of November 13 to 23, 2008, just after John Stape was arrested for kidnapping Rosie. This is a DVD "spinoff" from the regular Coronation Street storyline.

In a regular Coronation Street episode, we are told that Les and Cilla are in South Africa and have sent Kirk, Ches and Fiz tickets to go visit. Kirk and Chesney go off but Fiz doesn't. After the whole "John Stape kidnaps Rosie Webster" thing blows up in her face, she, too, goes to get away for awhile. Knowing Cilla, you just know there has to be a scam involved and so there is! These are their adventures, Out of Africa.

We start off in Rainy Weatherfield. Chesney is excitedly running around doing his last paper round and telling everyone about his holiday. He tells Rosie that he's going with a responsible adult. Kirk. Um...

Fiz comes out to see them off and we discover that not only is Ches bringing chocolate Garibaldis for his mum but Kirk has a rucksack stuffed full of crisps because they're never any good when you're away, are they! Fiz is worried Chesney will like it so much he won't come back but is reassured. She waves them off and we are transported to a spectacular African sunset and then the credits roll over scenes of the Big Five animals, the fields and mountains and a plan landing.

Kirk and Chesney come out of the airport and a shriek is heard... "CHESNEEEEEEEEE!!!". Yep, it's Gobzilla. Ches runs to hug his mum and then asks where Les is. Cilla turns round and we see, silhouetted in the sun, a tall figure, complete with spear and feathery bits on his arms and legs. He's also the wrong colour, and not gingery in the least. Cilla has hooked up with a South African man who dons the warrior outfit for tourists and who seems besotted with her, her New Les, she calls him. He might not look anything like the old one, but he's carrying a bottle of beer so there's some similarity. And he's crazy about Cilla, so he's probably a bit thick, too! Chesney is clearly disappointed but Cilla brushes it off. She's got new and it involves riches and families! Off they go in a little red convertible that has seen better days, with Les and Cilla signs on the windscreen.

The car breaks down and while "Les" is trying to get it going, Chesney questions his mother as to why they're really there. She avoids the answer, preferring to big up South Africa as being miles better than England. But she snipes at "Les" saying that when they win the competition, they need to buy a new car. Competition? "Les" gets out and leaves her to explain.

We hear how she came to be in SA instead of Vegas. She was a cocktail waitress with a Evil Poison Witch drink named after her and was offered a job by a client so she grabbed at the opportunity. She met Les the first night on the job and the rest is romantic history. She later spied a poster for a competition for the Sunshine Family with a prize of half a million dollars and her eyes lit up. She entered the competition and to give herself an edge, said she had two disabled sons, one having the mental age of an 8 year old. She apologized to Kirk and suggested he just "be himself". Okay! Kirk chirps.

Chesney is horrified but Kirk is up for it. He doesn't mind being Chesney's "brother". He doesn't think anyone will believe it but Cilla reveals they've made it to the finals, which includes a 7 day holiday, all expenses paid, in a posh resort in Sun City. The car is fixed and they drive off, just as Chesney asks what's supposed to be wrong with him as the second disabled son?

We next see the little "family" coming around a bend, Cilla pushing Chesney in a wheelchair!!! Chesney refuses but he doesn't get up and they come into view of the resort. Wow, it's all pillars and domes, fountains and marble and carving. Very swish! They've registered and have got their key to a luxury suite! They rush off and the competition desk woman answers the phone as a man enters the lobby. He's dressed in a casual suit jacket, open neck shirt and glasses. He's middle aged and smiling and saying hello to everyone as he approaches the desk. He's called Alfie Vlok and is the Emcee for the competition. He's apparently a daytime chat host, used to recognition and adulation but the check in clerk has no idea who he is which disconcerts him a bit. Even more upsetting is the fact that he does not in fact have a suite to which he feels entitled, but only a standard room. Oh dear. He demands to speak to a manager and when he does, it's clear the manager doesn't recognize the name either. Further frustration and it's going to become a theme! Seems our Alfie may just be a bit of a has been, a legend in his own mind!

Meanwhile, our little family has arrived at the suite, "Les" pushing the luggage trolley (if it's that posh, why isn't a bellman doing that?). The suite most certainly meets all expectations. it even satisfies Cilla's greedy little mind. It's enormous! Chesney is moaning and griping, arguing with Cilla about the whole scam. Cilla, of course, has little patience for his objections.

Later at night, Les, Cilla and Kirk are all asleep but Chesney is awake and worrying, disappointed and upset about it all. He gets up for a drink, musing at the situation his mother has him in. He sits at the computer and emails Fiz and pours his disappointment out.

The next morning, Cilla wheels Ches down to the hotel breakfast room. It looks like Ches is still going along with the scheme but he's grizzling the whole way through it, pushing his food away. He and Cilla have a tour through the resort, we see her on one of those Segway thingys, sliding down a water park ride, floating in the pool. Chesney is covered from hat to shoes so he won't get sunburned and complaining about the sun. Cilla tries to get him on side, but Chesney has more than enough ammunition. Les and Kirk are now with them and Les's ears perk at a couple of interesting points that Chesney has mentioned, including not seeing his mother more than once in the past year and having been taken into care. Cilla tries to gloss that over and finally allows Chesney to go to his room.

On the other side of the pool, Alfie is conferring with his camera man, Rick, who tells him he must participate in some interviews and footage of all the finalist families. Alfie tries to pull rank but is reminded that his agent has said Alfie would do anything for a large vodka. Alfie, shuffles his newspaper and agrees to do the extra work, for a larger room. Rick agrees to this. They walk off, Rick bringing up some of Alfie's less than shiny history including the tabloid free for all which, it seems, Alfie actually authored, for cash of course. The Battersbys are the first up. Alfie sighs and asks "How big's your room?"

Fiz has obviously received Chesney's email and has called Cilla to find out what's going on. Cilla is hollering over the phone. She is his mum and she knows best and she hangs up on Fiz, turning her temper on Chesney for spilling the beans. They argue at high volume which can be heard out in the hallway where Alfie and his partner are bickering, on their way to the suite. He does make Cilla feel a modicum of guilt for missing his life but she insists, she can't change who she is. Outside the door, Alfie is pumping himself up into performance mode. Chesney ends his argument telling his mother he hates her and he wants to go home. With one last scream, she goes to open the door and the performance beings, not just on Alfie's part.

Cilla, naturally, doesn't know who he is and he's further sent into a jealous tizzy over the size of the suite. Cilla spots the empty wheelchair down a hallway. He is at least appeased that "Les" recognizes him though only from a tv commercial he's seen. Cilla stalls for time and then brightly calls for "Chessssss". Chesney, always unable to say no to his mother in spite of everything, wheels himself into the room with a shy smile on his face. He says what he is supposed to for the camera but when they leave, he gets up and tells her what he wants in return. She's to come back to England with him after. He wants his real family back again. She hugs him and looks him in the eye and sentimentally agrees.

Later she's down by the pool for the first bits of filming for the competition. Alfie takes the stage. They may have had 50,000 entries for the Sunshine Family but the audience sitting in front of him doesn't look to number more than about 100 who applaud, but not overly convincingly. The three families are introduced, the Battersbys being first up, alphabetically. ("Les"'s name, by the way, seems to be Lesedi from which she gets Les). We discover that Cilla's said that Ches lost the use of his legs in a freak earthquake back home and she crawled through the rubble to save him. She puts on a tragic face. Kirk, as the mentally challenged son, plays his part guilessly, waving hello to the crowd, having obviously sucked in some helium from the balloon he's clutching. Les admits his initial attraction to Cilla was her firm backside!

Next up is the Jones family, with 11 little boys all under the age of about 13 it looks like. Cilla makes disparaging remarks under her breath, scolded by Les who seems a pretty good sort, really. I wonder if, seeing the "real" Cilla, he's becoming disillusioned. Third up is a family that's walked 1000 miles over a desert for charity (oh dear, quite a lot to live up to, then!) and they are the Teal family, Ed, Pam and Ellie, a lovely mother, fit father and teenage daughter who instantly catches Chesney's eye! Cilla quickly realizes where the competition lies, especially when the dad tells of the daughter, a violin virtuoso who apparently had her instrument in the Namibian desert on trek and who kept the family's morale up by playing "When the going gets tough" on it to spur them on to finish. Too good to be true? They also have an advantage of being South African but do I spy a crack in the veneer? The mom doesn't seem too happy.

There is a reception by one of the pools for the families. The daughter of the Teal family is making friends with Chesney. Alfie asks after the Battersby sister, Sister Fiona, who works in an orphanage teaching the children to sing. Where is she? Alfie says it would help them if Fiona was there. There's some tough competition. We see Ed and Pam Teal saying Grace while Ellie is stealing a taste of the cake. Cilla rushes her family away from temptation and makes them have an early night where Kirk teases Chesney about Ellie but is warned off fraternizing by Cilla. She figures there's something fishy about the Teals, and probably they're just as manufactured as the Battersbys! Les says that if they don't win it's all down to Cilla for making up another child but he's surprised to find out there is another one, Fiz really is her daughter. Les is annoyed and decides to go to a real bar where he can have a real drink which perks up Kirk they all tag along.

Kirk is delighted to find out the barmaid's name really is Betty. Les and Cilla have a quiet moment. He doesn't understand why she chases around the world looking for a fast buck when she's got a lovely family and everything she could want. She sighs and wonders if it's time she got real. I'll drink to that, Les toasts. Cilla walks away as Kirk and Chesney approach. Les says he thinks Cilla is wondering about her life but Cilla comes marching back. She's a Battersby and they don't just roll over. It's time to bring out the secret weapon!! She calls Fiz with "terrible news". What is it? We don't know yet.

Kirk and Cilla walk across the courtyard wondering what on earth they will do for an upcoming talent competition just as Alfie is filming the Jones children. But, shock and surprised, the Jones family has been disqualified for cheating. The children have actually been borrowed from an under-9 football club! Cilla expresses outrage at the idea of cheating and the contest is now down to the two remaining families.

The next day, Chesney goes off with Ellie to an animal park while the rest hang out by the pool. She wheels him through the park and he wonders why. She's offended that he thinks she's only spending time with him for how it looks when really, she's just getting away from all the pressure. Chesney apologizes. She mentions how difficult it all is and starts to say something that her dad is always on at her about but stops short and doesn't finish what she was going to say. When they get back, they say a shy good bye and then Cilla wheels him off to find out if he's got any gossip that will help their chances. As if he would! But she encourages him to spy on the family for them.

Later, by the pool, a familiar face! It's Fiz! She's horrified to see Ches in a wheelchair but relieved it's not for real. Then alternately horrified again when, up in the suite, she's told the whole story of the competition. She's furious that Cilla told her that Chesney had an accident and has spent all her savings on a ticket (Wait, what happened to the ticket Cilla sent her last week? Not changeable maybe?) Chesney, now buying into the scheme because he thinks he'll get his mom and family back, tells the same to Fiz though Cilla's face seems to tell another story. They all plead and she can't resist Chesney so agrees to do the minimum required.

Oh. And there is one other thing.

We see Fiz come round the corner in a full head to toe nun's habit and feeling like a pillock.

She's also pegged for the talent competition, singing Ave Maria. Not bad but not her strong suit. Ellie plays the violin and, naturally, is the real talent star. Les throws circus knives at Cilla and misses, thankfully and Kirk ineptly kicks around a football. Yep. Talent seems in short supply in that camp. Later, Ches refuses to spy. She wheels him to the Teal suite and hands him a video camera to use just in case. Ellie answers the door and has clearly been crying. She feels she's let herself down. Chesney reassures her, saying she's beautiful, clever and talented. She jumps up as she hears her parents return and wheels Ches out to the balcony because her parents wouldn't approve of the "enemy" being there.

Ellie's father lays straight into her for missing two notes in her performance. The parents argue, with the mother defending her chick. Outside, Chesney actually does pick up the camera and films through the window blinds. There's some good stuff recorded, too. Daddy has had plastic surgery, he drinks from a bottle of booze and he makes his daughter play the violin for him.

Fiz and Cilla are arguing. Cilla wants her to come on a safari tour with them but she out and out refuses. She stalks out, still in costume. Chesney says there was no gossip to report. Alfie arrives for another visit and has brought the passes for the safari. Fiz makes Fiona's excuses but Fiona happens to be in a casino. Yes, in the nun's habit, which concerts the croupier at the table but pleases on of the other customers who wants to touch her for good luck. When he won't back off, Fiz decks him one. A security chap comes over and ushers the idiot off, apologizing. He does say he had been asked to suggest she leave as a nun puts the punters off but he defended her. It's a free world. But Fiz decides she probably shouldn't be there and gathers up her chips and leaves.

Now we're in the Land Rover, on the way to the safari park. Chesney is being interviewed by Alfie, and unheard by Cilla, he's confessed that Cilla's dream is to swim with crocodiles!! This could be interesting!

Back at the resort, Fiz has thrown off her habit and is wearing a nice black and white dress, with sunglasses and a head scarf for a disguise. It doesn't fool the casino security bloke, who we later discover is called Alex. She confesses she's not a nun and has got roped into her mother's lies. He's not interested in spilling the beans but he is interested in spending time with her and showing her around.

Back at the park, Chesney is watching with satisfaction as his mother sits on the edge of a pool, scared to jump in where the crocodiles roam. One comes swimming towards her (not moving it's arms and legs at all. Clearly fake!) Alfie hollers down that Chesney confessed her dream and they made it happen. Don't be angry!. No. Really. Don't because it makes the croc hungry! *snork* Later, the Teals, the camera man, Kirk and Alfie are laughing around a bonfire as Les pulls leeches the size of dill pickles off Cilla's back.

And the end of the day, under a full moon, Fiz and Alex are sipping champagne. Fiz wishes life could be simple. Alex tells her his sob story. He came to South Africa to get married but discovered his fiancee had been having an affair. He's been here ever since, but isn't attached. He reckons Fiz is lucky nothing like that has ever happened to her. Funny you should say that, she grimaces!

In a tent, Cilla is itching from the leeches and a bit nervous at the various animal sounds coming from outside. In another tent, Kirk is chattering to Chesney about animals. They hear the roar of a lion outside and are alarmed.

Fiz and Alex are getting even cozier. The flirting is heavy and Fiz, though she's not that sort of girl really, does want things to go further. He asks where her room is and when he's told where, says he can do even better. He takes her to what must be the Shangri-La suite, or the penthouse at the very least. Amazing! They kiss under the candelabra.

Dawn has broken over the safari camp. Les helps Kirk set his video cam on the right setting. He realizes Kirk really is as thick as two planks and reminds him not to forget to call him Dad. And if it helps, he likens the situation to Star Wars where Luke discovers Darth Vader is his real father. Oooh, Kirk likes that and decides Ches can be R2D2 and Cilla can be Chewbacca! Les scolds him for disrespecting his "mother". Chewbacca sees Ellie and Chesney chatting. Ellie says she wants the Battersbys to win so her family will ease up. Cilla approaches and steals Chesney away and reminds him they're in it to win it.

Elsewhere, Alfie is ascertaining whether anyone else has an en suite tent. Rick scoffs but the driver says he's got a bidet. Alfie goes off in a huff. All he's got is a hole in the ground.

The morning after in the VIP suite, Fiz seems happy. She wakes up Alex who then answers the phone and leaps out of bed. Seems there are guests downstairs waiting for the room. He lets in the cleaning staff and kisses her goodbye. Typical.

On safari, the Teals are lucky to seen all kinds of great views with animals but the Battersby luck holds and all they get are empty fields and waterholes.

Fiz spends more time in the casino. She chats to the croupier about calling security, that would be Alex. Alex comes by just then and they flirt. He arranges to meet her in an hour.

Back out at a rest stop, the Teals are talking excitedly about their morning. All the others saw was one dusty chicken. The Battersbys take off to see if they can find some lions that were spotted. Kirk is determined. When they're out of range, Chesney gets out of the chair and walks. Back at the camp, Alfie brags he's got a tent upgrade. Oh dear, he's just discovered that the Battersbys have gone off into the bush on their own. One of the guides says he reckons that they've got an hour before something happens to them. Oh great! That's all they need! Alfie is beside himself. Make sure they've signed their waivers! He is NOT going to be sued for the accidental death of game show contestants AGAIN! (Really, Alfie has been one of the stars of this!!)

Out in the bush, the Battersbys have found the pride of lions and are watching from a safe distance, filming and enjoying themselves.

Alex brings Fiz back to his flat/suite. Fiz asks Alex if last night was just a one off, ships passing in the night. Be honest. He admits to being smitten. Fiz smiles and says if her mother hadn't been a money grabbing scheming cow, she'd never have met him! Kissing again, we know how that's going to end.

It's night now, and still the Battersbys haven't returned to the camp. Alfie is advised that a search party at night is too dangerous. He's more upset at the effect a dead family would have on his comeback! The leader of the Teal family is smug, hopeful that the competition has been eaten by lions. The women of the family are more upset. Out in the dark bush, the Battersbys are still alive and lost. They're still pushing Chesney around in the chair, which seems daft but he's not long getting out when they hear the snarl of a lion nearby.

Alex and Fiz are cuddling on the sofa. She laughs because she's doing the same thing half way around the world as she does at home, sitting on the sofa, having a lager and cheese sarnie in front of the telly. He asks her to stay. Really stay. Forever. They could have a good life there. She's a bit reluctant, though highly flattered. She can't though, what about Chesney? Although..... if Cilla *were* to keep her promise and return to look after Chesney, if they win the contest....

Our hapless contestants are still banging around in the dark. THey are stopped in their tracks by the hiss of a snake. Les thinks they'll be safe if it can't see the white of their eyes. All don their sunglasses. Les really isn't much help after all. He admits he's never been in the bush and only knows about snakes from books. Cilla urges him to tap into his native heritage and get them out of there!!! No idea! Kirk reckons he's got a good sense of direction (yeah, right). He takes off in a direction. Everyone decides to follow him for lack of any other plan.

Fiz reckons her "family" don't have a chance and suggests Alex comes to England. He says he can't apply for a passport, he'll get arrested. Turns out he deserted the army when he came to Africa and stayed. She thinks she'll just have to stay and hope for the best, then.

The Battersbys realize they can smell something. It's the camp! Cilla stops them and orders Les to carry Chesney out and she puts on a brave face for the cameras. At the camp, Alfie is on the booze. The family firms their story up. Les saved them, right? They arrive at safety, nearly. Alfie grabs the gun from the guide and shoots into the bush for the camera's effect. He doesn't hit anything and the Battersbys come into the light. They are hollered at for leaving without a guide but it's all ok. Les is applauded as the hero and they all make nice for the cameras. The Teals gnash their teeth. Ellie is pleased to see Chesney. Cilla gets Alfie to one side and he admits that it's anyone's game for the winner. In the tent, Kirk is looking at the footage and stumbles on the stuff Chesney has recorded when the Teals were arguing. Chesney says he doesn't want to show the recording because it would get Ellie in trouble. Kirk doesn't know what to do though he could ask Les or Fiz. Chesney looks confused and worried. He's good at that.

In the morning, Fiz is back in her nun's gear and singing joyfully as she irons. The rest return. Cilla is stunned at Fiz's about face, enthusiastic about their chances of winning including a mother-praising poem she's written. Who are you and what have you done with Fiz? Later, Cilla thinks Fiz is up to summat. Fiz is now nowhere to be found. Chesney is excited that they could win. They could even buy their house! Cilla is still unsure as to their real chances, though. That gives Chesney pause for thought and he retrieves the camera. Should he? Yes he does. He shows the incriminating footage to his mother who crows in triumph.

Fiz had gone to find Alex who seems to be wrestling with a mate or something. She tells him she thinks they have a good chance of winning.

Cilla leaves a note under Alfie's door and Fiz sneaks back but is caught by Cilla who confronts her. Fiz doesn't give the game away though reckons for once, she and Cilla both want the same thing. She goes inside and Alfie comes to see Cilla. He's received the evidence and slyly tells her it's in the bag! She slaps that Cilla greedy grin on her face, that one we know so well! She hurries inside and spreads the good news. Kirk asks if there's a fix but she says no, the best family won. Chesney hugs her and Kirk says good night to his "mum" and "dad".

In her bedroom, Fiz is all dreamy and smiley. There's a knock on her window and it's Alex. He's sneaked in for a kiss! She's delighted! He pulls off his coat and they fall onto the bed.

Les and Cilla are cuddling, too and Chesney overhears her admit she's not going to go back to England after all. No surprise there but he's feeling betrayed. Tears roll down his face.

The next morning, everyone is anxious except Cilla who's lounging in a big bubble bath with a glass of champagne. Kirk is ironing and Fiz is running around with a face mask on while Les is polishing up a snazzy new blue wheelie. But where's Chesney?

The contest final begins. Alfie does his patter on stage and introduces the Battersbys where a dejected looking Chesney is there, Fiz is in full habit and Les is wearing his tribal gear. Cilla is in loud red, white and blue in the British flag and Kirk just looks like he always does. Alfie asks Chesney what his favourite thing was and Chesney just gripes about the heat and being stuck in the chair so Cilla interrupts and says he liked the lions best. Cilla puts on her good mother-happy families act for the camera while Chesney just shakes his head and sighs. Ed Teal puts on his OTT act for the camera, too. Ellie tells that she's learned a lot about families, trust, honesty and love but she's talking about Chesney, isn't she?

Time for the judging. Who will win! Unanimous decision give the win to the Battersbys!!!! Wahey! The Teals look stunned amid all the cheering audience. Cilla is triumphant. But when Chesney is asked how he feels, he lets every cat out of the bag. He's disgusted and ashamed!!! He reveals that he can walk and tells the truth about his "family" and he tells how his mum never wanted or cared for him. She's the biggest liar of all. Cilla is ready to run for it before it gets nasty. Security arrives and the Battersbys are stripped of their title. Ed Teal tries to wrestle the oversize cheque away from Cilla who then announces that he's a drunk and a bully. But it turns out the judges have decided to abandon the competition. To Ed's objections, Alfie warns him not to go there. They have footage and it's ugly! Security removes both families from the stage.

The next time we see Cilla, she's dragging her suitcase and half the torn cheque on the road, hitching for a ride. Who should stop for her but Alfie. He offers her a ride.

Back at the resort, Ches, Kirk and Fiz are downcast. Chesney runs over to see Ellie who is resentful. She says her parents are divorcing. She accuses him of lying to her. She really liked him and trusted him and says he's just like his mother, a liar. Ouch! Kirk hugs Chesney. Fiz sees Alex approaching and knows they can't be together. She has to go back to look after Chesney and he can't come back with her. No regrets, they promise. She makes him go back to work because she doesn't' want him to see her cry. They kiss goodbye.

Les comes to say good bye and thank them for allowing him to be their father for a week. Chesney tells him that his mother doesn't deserve him. He agrees. He says he doesn't know where Cilla is and doesn't care. Chesney still cares, he hopes she's ok.

Behind them as they leave we see a video screen with what is probably a glimpse into the future. It shows Alfie coming onto a television set, glad to be back! His special guest is someone that's writing a book with Hollywood knocking on her door. She's bold and brash and the world's worst mother, meet Cilla Battersby!! (She always lands on her feet). The telly switches off and we are at an end to the adventure!

Back on Coronation Street, Fiz and Chesney vow never to say what really happened on the holiday.
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